And then there is my liver

I had my 3 month follow up with the liver clinic Wednesday.  And things are pretty much the same.  Except this time David got to come with me and go in to work late.  We even got to sit down and have lunch together afterwards.  It been a while since I got to see him so much during the day.  But I love him for working so hard for us.

So like I said things are pretty much the same. My liver is not completely failing  but isn't working 100%.  My kidneys are working great, so thats great news.  In the words of my Dr.  "You are a perfectly healthy 28 year old woman, except for your liver." My body is fighting to stay strong.  My heart is doing the same.  But how long can you put it off.  Eventually my liver will get worse and stop working.  I will turn yellow.  Or maybe my kidneys will "scream" as the Dr calls it. Then what?  Then I just keep waiting.  To get sicker, and sicker.  It will hurt more, Ill be more tired and more out of breath.  Gee I cant wait.

I asked about the 3 nodules on my liver and he said that they are still there, but not something the MRI Dr felt was an issue right now.  Thank You Jesus!  I asked about my tenderness, as he was pushing on my stomach....yeah not fun.  But to be expected when your liver is congested with blood.  I asked him my liver was like a water balloon just waiting to explode.  Its not.  But any trauma to my abdomen could very well rupture either my liver or spleen, which is congested with blood too.  We also got to talking about my Encephalopathy.  No Driving,  be alert of your body and its surroundings.  The usual.  He also took the time to reassure David and I that it was ok to get angry and frustrated.  But to get it out and then apologize!  He said he would consent to my putting my hand through the drywall, but since I'm on blood thinners we had better come up with something else!

All in all I have been feeling ok and that's enough for me right now.  I have noticed a few changes which are all expected.  Loss of appetite, shortness of breath, fatigue.  Im fighting it all, but its getting harder.  I've set some small exercise and diet goals to see if they will help.  I'm hoping I can just keep pushing though it all.  But knowing that in time, I just wont be able to do it, is killing me.  I've noticed the Encephalopathy sneaking its way in my head.  I cant remember songs that I have sang my whole life.  And sometimes even with the music I cant sing along.  Anthony will tell anyone that I am always forgetting things.  As long as I don't forget him I think he will understand. That will never happen though!!

Its late and I'm loopy, so hopefully this makes sense.  Much love!

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Party of Five

Things are always crazy around here.  But they are about to get crazier.  On Friday we become a family of five!  No I'm not having a baby, but my first baby is moving in with us.  And by first baby I mean my little sister.  I'm excited, worried and happy all in one.

Actually right about now she should be at the airport leaving.  Leaving behind the only home she has ever known.  She is the baby of the family.  A few days in Hawaii and then she will be all mine.  Its like getting another kid, except one that I don't have to nurse or change diapers!  I will however have to make sure she does all that she can to be a successful adult.  So I guess I used her to practice my mommy skills when she was little and now I'm using her as a test run for when the boys are about to leave home! But most of all I'm just glad I will have someone to talk to!  Like face to face.  Don't get me wrong, I love you all, but to actually have someone here to see physically.  I'm thrilled.  Id I will have real conversations.  I don't know if I can handle being asked to talk to the boys imaginary friend much longer.

She is also going to be my back up blogger.  I asked her to take over and update the blog when I finally do go in for transplant or get sick and what not.  And she will be my photographer too :)  I want to see all the things I don't remember about it all.  Anyways, I still have to clear out her room.  Which is now being used as a Storage/ Junk room. 4 more days!!!

And just for fun, Here is us 11 years ago.  This is the Bug I still see when I look at her. Even though just a few weeks ago she stood with out me, in her own cap and gown!

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Happy Fathers Day

I love days like today. That celebrate something so incredible. I mean really what is more amazing than being someone's daddy. Well besides being a momma;-)

This morning I told him happy fathers day and he said it back to me. I laid there for a second confused, trying to figure out if he was being sarcastic or making fun of me. (When my brother wished me Happy Mothers Day, I wished him the same!) But he said that I was the one who should get to celebrate because he is always working and not home very often. Ofcourse I told him he was crazy. That is one of the things I think make him an awesome dad. Everyday he gets up and goes to work. He's works himself sick, day in and day out. 8, 10 and sometimes 15 hours a day. What says Good Father better than a man who works hard provides for his family?! So yes, at times it feels like I'm a single mother at times, but my boys have never been without a Father. Anthony's card to David read: Dear Dad, Thank you for wurkin very hard so we can have muney. Happy Fathers day. Love Ant and Lex. On the other side was a drawing of the 3 of them holding hands! He knows his daddy loves him even if he's away at work a lot. The other thing about David that I absolutely love is that he shows his affection. He takes all the hugs and kisses with a smile. He never turns them down. And he never discourages them from doing what makes them happy. Our boys love to cook and cuddle. Hearing him tell our boys that he loves them makes me love him even more.

And let's not forget my Daddy! If you would have told me 12 years ago that he would be one of my greatest friends, I would have laughed till I cried. Little did I know it would be his calls that make the day all better! They do! We could talk for hours about weather, food, health, everything. The truth is, I love the man. I see now that there was a reason he was chosen to be my Father. It was a hard ride getting to that realization, but its been nice being here! I feel like we have only gotten closer this last year. We are bound by blood. Bad blood. Literally. I inherited my blood disorder from him. The one that led to the clot in my liver, that led to my needing a liver transplant. Am I angry at him for it...not a chance. I see now that it all happened for a reason. He just recently made it through his first cancer treatments. Last month he was given the all clear. Tumor free! It was heart wrenching to not be there with him. But now we have yet another thing to talk about. And when I tell him that I have that ball of fear in my gut, he understands. When I tell him I can't remember things, he doesn't judge me. And when I tell him I feel like just giving in, he can say he knows how I feel and I know its the truth. I believe all the trouble we had when I was growing up has led to this experience. No he's not perfect. Yes Id like for him to be, but I love him for who he is. I love you Dad! You were right. Now that I'm older and have a family of my own, I understand. Thank You for for everything!

So yeah. Now that I got that out, time for bed! Thank You God for giving me my father and my husband. Thank You for all the other good Daddys out there that love and provide for their children. Please help the lost fathers realize just how much they are needed and loved. And help them be better for their children! Amen

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Silver and Gold

If you were to ask someone who has known me my whole life, they will probably tell you that I'm a good friend.  I think so anyways.  I have the best friends too!  The kind I haven't talked to in months but can pick up right where we left off when we do talk.  The kind that still remember the moments that made us laugh and don't dare to bring up the most embarrassing ones.  Or maybe they do, but its all in good spirit.  Old friends that are spread all over the world.  So far away.  But so easy to hold on to. That's the best thing about growing up on a tiny little island in the middle of the pacific ocean.  Everyone knows everyone.  You are friends with everyone.  And that Kwaj Kid bond is one like no other! You don't make friends, you just are friends with everyone! 

Making new friends here in Texas has been a struggle. I have met a few moms though school and then there is my old neighbor who I adore, but never get to see.  But between living in someone elses house and being sick, I am afraid to let myself have friends. Because really who wants to hang out with a person who cant do a lot of the fun things and who needs to get a ride everywhere.  Today I was talking to a friend whos son and Anthony are best buds.  Well she lives about an hour out of town.  Its pointless for her to drive all the way out here for a short play date.  I know that.  And even if we wanted to meet half way during the week,  still impossible because I cant drive.  But what can I do?  I cant expect everyone to come to me...  Hi want to be my friend and only hang out at my house?  Unless you want to drive me and my kids around.  Doesn't sound like a well balanced friendship.  There are a few wonderful ladies who have offered to come take me out.  But I feel like such a burden!  I can feel myself avoiding people when what I really want is to meet people.  I hate it!

Its just been one of those days.  So much to do, but nothing can get done because not only am I not allowed to drive, but I don't know how to either. But I plan on learning this year so that its one less thing I have to do when I'm better!  And I'm actually excited now.  There are so many places I'm going to go.  That's what I tell myself now.  I'm sure once I can drive, staying home wont be so bad.  You know how that goes, when someone says don't do something, all you want to do is that.  Yeah, that's me right now!  So frustrating.

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Unhappy Fish

I told you there would be tears.  You would think after 4 hours in the pool, a yummy lunch (that he wanted to eat in the pool)  and even a little sprite, the kid would be happy.  No such luck. He lives for the water.  And my neighbors probably wonder why every night around the same time there is all kinds of crying coming from the house.  Dont worry people, its just my unhappy fish out of water.

He actually fell asleep crying for the pool.  But as you can see, his cheeks were red enough.  And there is always tomorrow.  Swimming is our most favorite part of summer.  Whats yours?

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Summer time and the living is easy

Its our first week of summer.  Alex just got up.  Yes its almost 11 in the morning.  The boys are having a late breakfast while I finish up a few things here and then its time to rock.  I had to check first with our water company to make sure were were allowed to have the pool and slip and slide running.  We are on water restrictions around here.  Its dry and hot!  Seriously...its really really hot!

I knew summer would be challenging for me as I doing have half the energy I used to have.  And if I over do it, I will be paying all week.  So, I'm trying to plan a few things each day to do with the boys.  I have a list that I'm working on, thanks to my new found lover, Pinterest!  The only hard part is so many of the things I want to do but I cant, because of the whole no driving thing.  Not that big of a deal because we will just save them for the weekend when Davids home!  We are going to start the morning off with some swimming and beyblades.  Yall know what beyblades are right? They are all the rage with the boys these days. In the end its all about getting some good quality time in with the littlest loves of my life:-)

I'm thinking lunch will be sandwiches and fruit kabobs served outside of course because no one ever wants to come in after there is water in the pool.  These boys are like fish. Pool or tub, it doesn't matter.  There is always tears when its time to get out.  I might just have to join them in the water.  Theres nothing better than sunshine and swimming.  Its no Emon Beach, but it will do.

OK just felt like sharing our day while I had a few quiet moments. Now to finish up a few more things and get the day going!  I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday!  Much love!

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Kindergarten: Then and now

I cant believe my baby is going to first grade already.  It seems like just yesterday we were watching The Backyardigans and playing with cars.  We still play with cars though :)

Look how excited he was on the first day of school.  I on the other hand was a nervous wreck.  I know now that I don't give him enough credit.  I have learned to let go....a little and just let him be.  My once shy little man has become the social butterfly.  And he won the brightest smile award too.  I am so glad he was able to come out of his shell.  Although when he told me he needed me to write my # on 20 cards so he could hand them out to his friends I was a little taken back!  I need to make sure I make my mom cards this summer.  

He hasnt changed much on the outside this year, but on the inside he is a whole new kid!  He loves school, reading and most of all PE!  We are going to be doing the book challenge this summer.  I cant wait!  Onward and forward to bigger and better things!  YAY!  I'm such a proud momma!

First Day of Kindergarten!

Last Day of Kindergarten!

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