January 20, 2020

Menu Plan 1•20•20

And just like that we are almost over with another Monday.  No hurt feelings here either.  I'm over it and ready to just power though this week.  Yes, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  I got this!  

You know what else I have?  A menu for this week.  It was a close call and I may have only figured it out this morning but it's done too.  Every week I say I will have everything ready to go by Friday and then I don't.  How about I try that again.  Here is what I came up with this week.

January 17, 2020

What's up, Weekend? 1•17•20

I got up this morning and told myself I was going to get my Friday list together.  Then I went to sleep and woke up with just enough time to get dinner thrown together before I had to leave for for the school.  And I'm not even sorry about it.  I wasn't thrilled about having to rush, but I did actually feel like I the energy to do it.  I haven't felt like that in a while so, I guess I needed that last nap of the week.  Usually I am nap after dinner while David goes back to work, but I'm here now.  One nap was enough for today!

Today I'm linking up with Lindsay from The Flynnigans, Charlotte from My Pixie Blog and Beth from Coffee until Cocktails.  Every Friday we share all the things that we are happy, grateful and thankful for!  Stop on over and see what everyone else is sharing today! Here is my list for this week.

January 16, 2020

Doctor Diaries: January Follow Ups

OK,  It has been one hell of a week.  But it's almost over.  And then we are starting all over again, but I will gladly take a few days of no doctors.  I need to breath.  And plan.  And process everything this week has thrown at me.  I also need to stay off the Googles until I have an actual diagnosis or at least some more answers.

I usually kick the year off with a bang.  I try to get as many of my follow ups over with for the first half of the year.  Most are 4-6 months apart so it works. Lab work is more often.  Usually monthly if everything is good.  Sometimes its weekly or every couple of days when it is really off.  This week it was labs for 2 doctors and 2 doctor visits.  And it went a little something like this.

January 14, 2020

Menu Plan 1•13•20

So, I'm popping in  day later than I usually do.  I usually have my menu ready to go on Sunday nights.  I also usually have my groceries by then too.  This week I had neither.  And Monday was just all sorts of busy.  If you happen to follow me on IG and caught a glimpse of my stories you know what I'm talking about.  I spend the morning at my appointments.  One which was a total fail.  Then I got home just in time to turn right back around and go with David to his appointment.  Got home in time to watch kids and then headed right back out to get groceries.   I got groceries put away and started dinner and before I knew it, I was in bed.  It's crazy that what seems like a normal day to many, just completely drains the life out of me.  My fellow spoonies get me. 

Sunday was Alex's birthday and David was unable to walk, so we pretty much stayed at home.  He played video games with his friends all day.  Then we ordered pizza and Grandma and Grandpa brought over cake and ice cream.  We all went to bed full of sugar.  I guess it was probably a good thing that I was unable to do my lab work for the transplant clinic.  I did manage to get my menu together before I went to bed.  I was feeling a little guilty for the birthday binge so we are sticking to a pretty simple menu this week. 

Buffalo Chicken Zucchini Boats

Asiago Peppercorn Pork Loin

Jalapeno Popper Chicken Breast

Sausage, Rice and Corn.


We ended up having the sausage yesterday because it was the quickest meal.  I think that's what makes it one of everyones favs.  While the rice cooks, sausage gets sliced and cooked.  Add some corn to the pan of sausage and cook through.  Then when the rice is done, mix it in and stir.  Sausage is not my friend so I had just a tiny bowl. Best part was there was just enough left for David to take to lunch.  Hell yeah for no leftovers.  While I love leftover night because I don't have to cook, we were throwing food away and that sucks.  So I have been trying really hard to make sure I am just cooking enough and not too much. 

I really need to be better about having my grocery list ready come Friday night.  Since I can't drive and am waiting for payday to come around, I try to be ready to do on Saturday so that its done and out of the way.  The days when I am getting them on Sunday or Monday even really mess everything up.  Menu planning is such a great way to make life easier when done on time.  Who else was running late this week trying to figure out what to eat?  I know I'm not the only one!

So what DID make it on your menu for the week.  Or what are you still planning to make? 

January 10, 2020

What's up, Weekend? 1•10•19

I can't believe I just wrote 10 down.  We are 10 days already in to the new year?  Who cut the brakes?  Damn!  And the fact that 4 out of 10 of those days were spend in bed just shows that time really is just going to fast.  All the more reason to hold on to the things that make me smile.

Today I'm linking up with Lindsay from The Flynnigans, Charlotte from My Pixie Blog and Beth from Coffee until Cocktails.  Every Friday we share all the things that we are happy, grateful and thankful for!  Stop on over and see what everyone else is sharing today! Here is my list for this week.

January 7, 2020

My One Word 2020

Last year I chose Grow as my word to guide me though the year.  I think that I did that.  Maybe not in all the ways I wanted to but where I did grow, I grew big!  I feel like I did a lot of growing up and I learned so much about life.  About myself.  And I am going into this year with a better understanding of what I need to do to live my best life.

I started thinking about this years word in November.  At the time I was stressed to the max.  So much that I had to call the cardiologist because I was having chest pain.  Its been a long time since my anxiety has been that bad and I didn't even recognize my reflection in the mirror.  And then one day I was done.  I was done letting people walk all over me.  I was done dropping my life to fix everyone else's.  I was done hurting an acting like I was fine.  I was done taking care of everyone else but myself.  And just like that I figured out what my word for 2020 would be.

I say "I'm sorry" at least a dozen times a day for crap that I have reason to be sorry for.  It's a habit I have had since I was little and I'm pretty sure its a product of my childhood and growing up in a broken environment.  I became a people pleaser, almost as a survival mechanism.  It was easier to keep the peace if I just said sorry and did what I was asked to do.  It was easy to offer help than it was to ask for it.  Don't bug people but make their lives easier.  Don't want things but offer anything you have to everyone else.  Don't complain but always be a shoulder to cry on.  All. My. Life.  Well most of it.

When David and I started dating, he was constantly telling me not to be sorry and to stop saying thank you for everything.  Now 21 years later, I finally hear him.  Poor man, I know he feel like I don't listen to anything he says, but he keeps telling me.  Well, I get it now babe.  I guess even I have a breaking point.  Someone remind me to thank my husband for not getting tired of my stubborn self.

So this year, I want to start breaking down those walls.  I want to be able to say no and not feel bad about it.  I want to be able to say not now and put my family first.  I want to say what I want to say and voice my opinions and not feel the need to apologize for having them.  I want to to do things for myself and not feel guilty for making myself a priority.

It's not going to be easy, I am 100% sure of that.  But I know it's something I need to do.  Last year I had swallowed so much stress and drama (90% of it wasn't even my own) and it about broke me.  The last few months I have been bitter and resentful and that is not me.  I haven't been that angry in forever and I just kept pushing it down.  Until my heart rate was literally off the charts and I was having chest pain. I let other peoples problems practically work me into having another heart attack.  And for what?  They didn't even take a minute to see how they were hurting me! I'm not saying I will not say I'm sorry or apologize when I am in the wrong.  I take actually take apologies very seriously, but It was getting to the point where I was saying sorry and I shouldn't have.

Part of me already wants to say sorry.  Sorry for the calls that I won't always answer.  The texts that will go unanswered for days.  The gatherings I will not go to.  The times I won't be able to help.  The plans I won't change for anyone else.   But I won't.  I won't apologize for not feeling well enough.  I won't apologize for my feelings and being an emotional wreck at times.  I will say that this!  It doesn't mean I am checking out.  I will still continue be a shoulder to cry on, and ear to listen, and will still help when I can.  But I won't feel sorry for not being able to sometimes.  I wont feel guilty for not being able to fix problems I really have not business trying to fix.  I need to learn how to take a minute or a day for myself and not apologize for it.  Saying that makes me want to vomit.  Yes, it's that bad.  But my health took a big hit last year.  My family did too.  But I just kept going, with a smile and bile in my throat because I was so afraid to admit I was drowning!  I just can't anymore.