Cardiology Update: February 2020

One of the hardest things. If not the hardest thing about living with an invisible illness is that no one else REALLY sees it. You say you're tired but you still show up for things. You say you don't feel good with a smile on your face. You don't look sick so people don't know how sick you really are. I struggle with this a lot. Even on the worst of days, I smile, laugh and joke around.

For the past few months though, I have been struggling to keep my head above water. I have been short tempered, permanently exhausted, I cant catch my breath, everything hurts and I was feeling bluer than blue. I put up a front and dealt with myself behind closed doors. During the day when I was home alone or at night after everyone had fallen asleep. I sat crying in a closet and sobbing in bed because how the hell is anyone supposed to live like this?

And then came today. My cardiologist follow up where I was expecting to get my results from all my tests and heart monitor. I wanted to cancel it because going to the doctor in a foul mood never ends well. But I needed to know so I sucked it up, slapped on a smile and showed up. Early even!
When the Dr comes in she said "Well everything looks pretty good. I know we didn't get a full 48 hours on the heart monitor but we will talk about that later!"
So good news first I guessed.

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Doctor Diaries: January Follow Ups

OK,  It has been one hell of a week.  But it's almost over.  And then we are starting all over again, but I will gladly take a few days of no doctors.  I need to breath.  And plan.  And process everything this week has thrown at me.  I also need to stay off the Googles until I have an actual diagnosis or at least some more answers.

I usually kick the year off with a bang.  I try to get as many of my follow ups over with for the first half of the year.  Most are 4-6 months apart so it works. Lab work is more often.  Usually monthly if everything is good.  Sometimes its weekly or every couple of days when it is really off.  This week it was labs for 2 doctors and 2 doctor visits.  And it went a little something like this.

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Cardiology Follow Up

I feel like I am always starting these updates with "I know its been a little quiet around here but..."  I really need to work on that.  But the past few weeks have been stuffed with trips to the doctor and I have had a hard time getting words out of my head and written out.  I have had a hard time getting them out of mouth even. But here goes nothing!

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