June 26, 2013

Happiness is ______ {Week 13} #happinessis

Happiness is this girl!  My niece, who is just a doll!  It is kinda weird to have a baby girl around the house, but you won't catch me complaining :)

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Happiness is a trip to a new dog park.  New doggy friends and the sight these boys rocking out with my 80s headbands.  

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Happiness is Instagram Video and the little things a big brother will do to make his brothers morning just a little sweeter! 


Happiness is getting the same day results.  I am cancer free.  The lump is a fibroadenoma.  A non cancerous breast tumor.  God is good!  I feel like I can finally breath again!  

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I'm linking up with Lisa over at Crazy Adventures in Parenting.  What is made you happy last week?  What are you looking forward to for this week?  Be sure to stop by and see what is making others happy :)

June 24, 2013

Guest Post: Hope Heals


Hope Heals
Larry Berkelhammer, PhD

Living with chronic pain, malaise, fatigue, or disability on a daily basis for any length of time commonly leads to depression. The depression itself is unhealthy and debilitating. However, antidepressants are not the answer; they should be reserved for major depressive disorder rather than situational depression. If you commit the time and effort to explore ways to practice living a full life within your limitations, you will see for yourself that the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness you sometimes experience as a result of your illness will give way to a sense of optimism and great wellbeing—and that this remarkable transformation of your feelings is always in your own hands.

It is a universal human need to feel that we are in control of our lives. Chronic illness can rob us of that sense of control. However, we can get it back. The need to be in control of our lives is greatly underappreciated and is essential for our health and wellbeing.

The appreciation of our power to make choices is especially important for those of us living with chronic illness because our physical challenges often appear to rob us of choice. Our mobility may become limited, we may tire too easily to engage in favorite activities for as long as we would like. We may have to spend countless hours at doctors’ offices and clinics when we’d really rather be working, being with family or friends, or spending quiet time in solitude.

Although it may often seem as if we’ve been robbed of our ability to choose how to live our lives, achieving control of the choices we do have makes all the difference in living an optimally healthy life. Identifying our values and making choices that are in accord what we value can keep us from succumbing to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, both of which are emotional states that have been shown to lead to declining health and unnecessary suffering.

 “I Am Choosing …” Practice

A very powerful practice that I recommend involves a commitment to form the habit of prefacing all our actions with: “I am choosing…”  

There is no action that is too insignificant to include in this practice. Be sure to include thoughts as well as actions, such as:
I am choosing to get out of bed.
I am choosing to exercise.
I’m choosing to think about my day.
I’m choosing to complain about the pain in my back. 
I’m choosing to focus on the benefits of the invasive test I chose to schedule.

This practice involves making the phrase I am choosing a part of moment-to-moment awareness. This moment-to-moment emphasis on choice is a powerful antidote to the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that so often plague those of us who live with chronic medical conditions.




 



June 16, 2013

If I could wish you Happy Fathers Day...

I wasn't until after I left home that I was able to really see just how full of love my Dad was.  Seeing him hold my sons for the first times.  Listening to him tell them about how he used to hold me the very same way.  Watching them climb up into his lap and lay there with him just as I remember doing as a little girl.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss him.  We used to talk for hours about cooking and the boys.  "Because they are boys" was always his answer for all my parenting whys!  Now when that stuffed Luigi ends up in the toilet for the second time, I close my eyes and ask "WHY"!!  And I remember his voice telling me why.  Just like that I can smile about it.

Its our first Fathers Day with out him.  Our conversation last year was very different from our usual.  He apologized for the past.  He was sick and sober and the guilt had washed over him. All the things that had happened in the past, were just that to me. The past.  I hope I was able to help him realize that I had forgiven him for any wrongs years before.  I hope he felt it in my voice when I told him that I loved him and that I would always love him regardless of what had happened before.  I told  him that I understood now why things were the way they were and why he was the way he was.  There were no hard feelings.  I remember just telling him that he need to keep on fighting because there was still so much we needed to do.  But after a little over a month, he was just to tired to keep on going.

Now almost a year later, and I can still hear his voice.  I still wake up in the middle of the night hearing him cough or arguing with the TV.  Sometimes when David hugs me I swear my Dad steps in because the hug gets just a little bit tighter.  The little things that pop into my head while I am cooking.  I love when I am watching the boys play and I am overwhelmed with my love for them.  And I think, Dad loved me just like this.  Its an every day reminder to love them deeper and let them know it.

Happy Fathers Day to a man who loved his kids more than we will every fully understand.  To a Father that worked very hard to provide for us even when we didn't appreciate it.  To a Father who loved being a Grandpa and made it known to the whole world just how proud he was of all of us.  I wish you were given the respect you deserved.  I took you for granted and now I would give anything to have you back.  Just to tell you one more time that I love you, unconditionally and that I always will.  I miss our summer adventures.  Our middle of the night conversations and the random recipe emails you used to send.  I miss the HEB cards you would send the boys.  I miss the messages on the answering machine and the way you signed your name at the end of your letters.  I miss your support and words that fixed everything.  I miss you Dad, every day!  Happy Fathers Day!

Dad and I were always the ones behind the camera, I only have a few pictures of me and him from the last few years and that is one of my greatest regrets.  The memories are there though.  I am glad to have many of him with my boys though.  They will need them to look back on when they remember and hear about just how much he loved them!


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June 5, 2013

Happiness is __________{week 12} #happinessis

I am linking up today with Lisa over at Crazy Adventures in Parenting and sharing what Happiness is for me.  And aside from yesterdays post, there has been lots of happiness going on around here!

Happiness is having kids in the kitchen!  Growing up, veggies were always my job while dad cooked and I love when these guys help me out.

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Together we made a meal we all enjoyed.  Lex at a whole fillet of fish plus another half! Ant chose to have leftovers for dinner the next night!

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Happiness is knowing I am capable of fixing things around the house.  Even if I broke it even more before I finally got it fixed!

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Happiness is bringing this beautiful girl home and helping her find her forever home!  Meet our foster dog, Haiku! Anyone looking to add another 4 legs to the family?  She is sweet as can be and just beautiful!

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Happiness is knowing that I am making progress in my runs.  I used to only be able to get a mile or two in a week before the pain and fatigue took over.  Now I am getting in 1-3 miles a run.  

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And last but not at all least, is finding this guys sleeping just like he did when he was a baby.  Like a turtle.  It was a reminder of how far we have come.  How much we have all grown. Still a few miles behind Lisa!

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What made you happy this week?  Don't forget to stop by Crazy Adventures in Parenting and see what is making others happy!

June 4, 2013

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will never hurt me.  Ok, they may hurt a little!

It has been a rough few weeks for me.  But I should just start by saying this.  Mean people SUCK!  Seriously.  I am not usually one to let things other people say bother me but 2 things this week have been just eating at me. No pun intended.

Last week I posted my run, yes I'm calling it a run.  Because I can and because I ran dammit!  Anyways.  I log my runs on a website that tracks my miles and other things and I love that I can look back and see how I did compared to previous times.  Well, you know what sucks.  When someone feels the need to tell me that I might want to call it a walk, because if it was a run, I would have gone farther in that amount of time.  At first I was thinking "Am I reading this right?"  Seriously?  At first I brushed it off.  But that night I went to bed thinking, maybe they were just trying to help.  See. that's what I do.  I find the good in even the meanest people.  I hate that I let it get to me. But it did.  Yes, I know I am not a "runner"  Even the best of the best had to start somewhere right?  I'm not the fastest and I don't run 12 miles at a time.  But that doesn't stop my from trying.  The other day I made it over 3 miles and was on top of the world.  Not only because I made it to that mark, but because I did it with no pain. Usually by the time I hit one mile, my ankles are swollen and I get that ache in my abdomen that reminds me that my liver is twice its normal size.  Its not easy for me.  It hurts and it wears me down, but again, I don't let that stop me.  Reading that did hurt though.

Fast forward to last weekend.  We had gone to Petsmart adoption event as we do just about every Saturday.  We have been going for almost 2 years now.  Its where we fell in love with the Great Dane breed.  Its where we we adopted Poncho from and where we were go to look for that "maybe" 3rd dog.  Well, one thing you learn right off the back is that most white are deaf, blind or both.  One of the volunteers there was a young boy was handling this beautiful guy who was both.  And when I went to give the dog some love, the kid says "He may be blind and deaf, but he sure can smell that you are pregnant!"  SMACK!  Like a knife to the gut.  An apparently large gut!  That pretty much set my attitude for the day.  I even was feeling super motherly and brought home a foster dog.  But still.  Do people not teach their kids to think before they talk?  I didn't even know what to say so I just walked away.

I'm telling myself to brush it off.  But its still bugging me.  I feel like I have to wear a shirt that says, I'm not pregnant, its water retention caused by my failing liver.  I've been on the transplant for 3 years now.  And most days I feel OK, but on the days I don't feel all that great, there are still things to do and I can't just hide my puffy self in the house all day.

I am thankful to have surrounded myself by lots of encouraging and kind people.  Friends who can help me push myself and only cheer me on.  If you got something negative, you can take your butt somewhere else, cause its not wanted around here!

What a mess.  I know.  Anyone else have someone try and tear them down?  Or get the "how many months" question?  Some people are so insensitive. -End rant!!