Forget Red. I am seeing Orange!


I grew up in a loud house. I mean LOUD. I'm sure our neighbors could tell you stories. There were 6 of us kids and that was crazy enough. Throw in alcoholism, anger and my parents splitting up when I was 11, at times it was unbearable. I promised myself that my children would have better. I was going to be different. I had two goals, I wasn't going to be a lush and I wasn't going to yell. The drinking was easy to stop. A failing liver and being put on the Liver transplant list brought all that to a stop. And for the record my love of Jack and Coke had nothing to do with my liver disease. But when you are pregnant with a child you already thought you couldnt have and you have just been told that you have a liver disease with no cure other than a full liver transplant, it can be a little challenging to get a grip on your emotions. And over time things didn't get any easier.

I can tell you the exact day it started. I cant remember why I yelled but I yelled and I even threw in a slammed cupboard door for added drama. My sister was living with me at the time and I remember her saying "Ok Dad!" I had snapped. I had scolded my boys before then. Yelled even but that was the first time I did it with anger! I've said it a hundred times by now. Being a mom is not for the weak. Being a mom and living with a chronic illness, well that's just impossible some days. That's when I started really yelling. And I'm not saying my condition is the reason I yell but it plays a very big part if it.  

This last summer was hard on me. August was brutal. And one day when I popped on Facebook, to vent about my horrible day, I saw a post about bloggers needed for the Yell Less Love More Blog Tour. I was randomly and by the grace of God chosen to review it. And it couldn't have come at a better time. I had no idea things could get any worse,but they did. September and October have gotten the best of me. But I can honestly say that without this book it would have been worse.

I had a plan. I was going to follow the plan religiously. Then on day 4, life happened. I yelled. More than once and I started all over. A few more days in I'd yell again. And it wasn't because the book wasn't working. It was just because I am not perfect. I didn't expect to be able to go a whole 30 days with out yelling right off the bat. One of the greatest things I have come away with from this book is that I don't have to be perfect and I'm not alone!  

And now after spending the last few weeks curled up in pain and dealing with mind blowing fatigue I am starting all over. I started taking notes right away. Hell, I've rewritten this post a handful of times. But my brain fog is clearing and I've decided to take this as a chance start the challenge all over and share it here with all of you. I'm would like to post once a week on my progress. I know how unpredictable my life can be so know its going to be brutal. And of course I'm sure there will be more setbacks, but even the smallest changes are steps in the right direction. Baby steps. Little orange rhino footprints leading the way.

Its nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I don't know if its just me being hard on myself but I feel an overwhelming pressure to be better. What I like to call " Pinterest Perfect" That if I don't cook these picture perfect meals and throw these elaborately themed parties and always get along with my boys, then I am somehow not good enough. I tell my boys all the time " You don't have to be perfect! You just have to try!" Its about time I take my own advice.

In the book Sheila talks about triggers and suggested writing them down to keep track of them. How can that help? For me, it was quite sobering. Everything sets me off. I mean really, is an empty toilet paper roll worth hurt feelings? Lets just say I had a lot to work on. Once I wrote them down it was easy to look at a few and tell myself to get over it. Now most days I am able to look at the scattered toys and sigh instead instantly yelling that everything be picked up or its going in the trash. And the other day when there was no toilet paper in my bathroom, thanks David, and I had to run to the boys bathroom only to find an empty roll there too. I laughed and thought to myself, sh!t happens.

In the book you will find some great tips to help you not yell. One of them is to picture yourself on a beach. This is something that I did already. Its easy to do when you grew up on a beach like this. 


Emon

There are some other fun ones like repeating "I love you". I do this too, except I usually sing it. Sometimes through my teeth when things are really about to hit the fan. My not so pitch perfect song gets the boys attention quick! In the book, it's all laid out for you in easy to follow along chapters. I bought a new journal to have a separate place to keep track of the daily challenges, triggers and what I did right or wrong. I have to hold myself accountable. I've also spilled the beans to the family. I don't know why I thought I could do this the first time around without them.

I've already made plans to buy the book for a few friends and family members who I know could use it. Starting next week I will be sharing my journey through the challenge. If you haven't don't it yet check out The Orange Rhino and take the challenge today! Because if there is one thing I can promise you its that life is short and if you can yell less and love more it will be so much more worth it all in the end.

Pre order your copy of Yell Less, Love More HERE and join the club. I'm pretty sure yelling in excitement is allowed :) I know I did when I was chosen to receive a free advanced copy to review. Thank You Sheila for this opportunity!



Menu Plan Monday: 10/20

MPM-Fall

I actually have a menu planned this week.  I even went grocery shopping.  I just ran out of time to share it all earlier.  The Mr stayed home from work today even though my appointment was cancelled.  So we did what most people would do right?  Went out for Breakfast then came home and watched movies we have been wanting to watch but were not quite kid friendly.  After that we went shopping and picked up the boys  from school.  Before I knew it, it was time for soccer practice.  Everyone is bathed and in bed but I just had to share since I'm actually trying some new things this week!  Finally!  I'm so excited.

Monday:  Complete fail.  I was going to make a nice dinner since I was home all day.  We ended up buying pizza on the way home.  It happens.  No judging.

Tuesday:  Ginger and Scallion Beef with fried rice and stir fry veggies.

Wednesday:  Soccer Practice night so we will be cleaning out the fridge and eating up whatever is left in there.

Thursday:  Turkey Chili and Crackers.  I have been using this recipe for years. The flavor is strong enough that you can't even tell its turkey.  And since I can't eat to much red meat, this works perfectly.

Friday:  Panko Crusted Honey Mustard Salmon with salad and roasted broccoli.

Saturday:  Leftovers again.  I'm so tired of throwing away food!!

Sunday:  One Pot Chicken and Potatoes. I was looking for something easy and this looks like a winner.  


So that is 3 new recipes in one week.  Lets hope I don't overwhelm myself.  My mind has been really playing with me this past month and even reading a recipe can be a little challenging at times.  But with some early prepping, I should be good to go.  Ill be sure to share later on how everything turns out!  Happy Monday y'all!

Menu Plan Monday 10/3

I'm gonna say it and hope it sticks.  Things are getting better and hopefully I will be able to get online more often.  I don't know why but writing on my phone is next to impossible for me these days.  My hands have started to shake and are weak, so even just a quick text can seem impossible sometimes.  But my pain has either weakened or I have gotten used to it.  And I am feeling like I have a better grip on this fatigue that is kicking my butt.  I am determined to have a good week.  Starting with cooking more this week and actually enjoying it.  Simple and quick as usual.  Here's whats we are having this week.

Monday:  Chicken Roll ups.  Think fajitas/ tacos.  Just something my dad taught me to make for times when he was TDY and I was making dinner.

Tuesday:  Sloppy Joes and salads.  Alex will not be happy about this.  What kid doesn't like sloppy joes?  I use The Pioneer Womans recipe.  I just switch out the ground beef for turkey.  No one even notices!

Wednesday:  Leftovers.  Soccer practice leaves little time to eat, so its a great night to just pick at whats already in the fridge.

Thursday:  Chicken Quarters with garlic roasted potatoes and salad. I toss the chicken with some olive oil, rosemary, thyme and marjoram and then bake it.

Friday: Spaghetti.  Is there anything easier than this.  Perfect easy way to finish out the week.

Next weekend I am guessing we will have soccer both days since last Saturdays game was cancelled for rain.  We will see I guess.

So keep your fingers crossed for me to make it though this week.  Next week is my Liver Clinic appointment and then Dr H the next week.  I'm ready for it.  I think...

Im alive...sorta!

In between bouts if pain and fatigue I have written this post over and over. But then I forget to hit post or delete it instead of saving it.  Yesterday it was all gibberish. Between auto correct, and encephalopathy I ended up just  scratching the whole post and starting over.

So here I am.  1:30 in the morning and determined to hit the post button this time.  Its been a crazy rough week and I have an even crazier weekend coming up. But what can I do.  I have a smile and my big girl panties on. 

Tonight was the first night this week with a break in the pain and I actually ate dinner with little discomfort afterwards . And big plus, I can breathe again.  Im actually laying on my belly as i type and that NEVER  happens.

Tomorrow  its the Comapany party, volunteer, a soccer game, a birthday party and then one more party.  Sunday we have another game and I really need to get my grocery shopping done too. But for now, Im gonna sleep.   Good Night moon!  Be back again soon!!

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