Winning weekend

I love weekends. Yes I know its Monday and technically the weekend was over yesterday, but Mondays are like my catch up day. You know, for the laundry I didn’t finish on Saturday or the grocery list I didn’t write on Sunday. No? Maybe its just me, but Mondays aren’t that bad.

This weekend was another good one. I am trying so hard to be grateful for weekends like these. But its like the black cloud that is Liver Disease just keeps finding me. My umbrella from the storm is always my boys. Even though they have been know to cause hurricanes for me too. When push comes to shove, they are everything I live for. No matter how hard the week is, our weekends make up for it easily.

The big fun this weekend. Riding a bike. Not me, I was asked to stay off a bike for now. But that doesn’t mean I cant teach Anthony how to ride one. Yes I know many kids his age are already riding with out training wheels. We had 2 things holding us back. My lack of energy and his unwillingness to get a helmet. He refused to even try them on. And the only time I did manage to get one on his big ole noggin, it was for an 8 year old. It fit, but I wasn’t sold on the idea. Neither was he. So we waited. Then finally Saturday he mentioned it. Within minuets we were in the car and on the way to the store. I wasn’t going to give him time to change his mind. We found one, for 5 year olds that fit and was pretty cool. It even came with a free hot wheel car. Double win!

Sunday morning we spent out by the school.. No traffic out there so it was nice. But boring. David wanted to shoot some hoops so we headed to the park, but that place was packed.. So next stop, another park with room to run and ride. I needed to raise Anthony’s seat but some how ended up just taking the training wheels off and convincing him it was OK. I explained to him that he was going to fall a few times and that it was going to be a little hard. But we both promised him that he could do it. And sure enough, after a little bit of bickering between David and him, he got it. I heard his little voice screaming. “Im doing it” And I turned around to see my baby riding his bike. Of course then he tumbled over the handle bars. But he got right back on and this time went for even longer.

And of course its all he has talked about today. I even had to print a photo for him to take to school and show everyone. He looks so small on the bike. We have had it for 2 years, but hes just now riding it. Guess someone is getting a new bike for his birthday!

I am so proud of him. He was so afraid and yet so determined to get it. I like to thing that I can be as brave as him. I am so afraid of getting sicker. Even knowing that only then will I get better. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Here’s to the next one!!

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Just for a day

Today was the first normal day in a very long time. Today my mind was clear, and for a few hours I forgot that my body was failing me. The thought of my one day liver transplant didn't cross my mind. All the little voices that tell me to slow down were quieted by giggles and laughter. Yes, today was a wonderful day.

We spent our last day of spring break getting hair cuts and park hopping. We started out at the duck pond. But they were all stuffed so we headed over to another park nearby. The boys had a blast on the slides. And running in the fields. They were mesmerized by the kites in the sky. We even took a walk down the the lake to skip rocks. We spotted cactus and birds. Anthony and I talked about tadpoles and planned our next trip. Next time we will bring a picnic:-)

I was just a normal mom. Laughing, running and exploring with my family. I wish I had more days like today. Now I'm settled into bed and the pain is slowly returning. The throbbing in my side and the tingling in my swelling ankles. But it was worth it. For a few hours life was worry free...pain free. And I was the old me!

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Stress and Struggles

Ok so a while back I was all pumped up and ready to shed some pounds. I had a plan and was going to stick to it. Yeah, that plan flew out the window. I have never been a stress eater. The Lord knows I have had lots of stress in my life too. But guess what people, I have gone to the dark side. And it shows.

If I was going to make excuses, here's what I'd say. First things first, I am no longer exclusively breastfeeding. That's when I noticed a change. Then I found out my Dad was sick and I kid you not, I buried my head in girl scout cookies. I'm so glad they are a once a year deal. Then came buying our first home. This was the icing on my cake. Well actually if there were icing, I would have eaten it by now. My stress levels went through the roof. And the weight piled on.

But to be honest, if you know me, you know I already have a ton of diet restrictions. I don't eat a lot of red meat, my sodium intake is minimum. Most everything I make is all fresh not processed and I drink mostly water. Now its only water. Gave up sodas for lent and think I'll keep it this way! I track my food and water intake. On an average day I'm only eating 900-1200 calories. Never go over on my fat or carbs unless we eat out. But then when you eat out you pretty much go over on everything. And still the weight piles on.

I've also been walking. Not much but 2 or 3 times a week. My usual route is 3.4 miles. And of course its not like I'm sitting around all day. These boys keep me going from the time they wake up, to the time they go to bed. But all my efforts have failed. I have gained 8 lbs in the last 6 months.12 in the whole year. And when I say I'm almost back at my pre-pregnancy weight, I'm not bragging. I'm pretty sure its the stress. As that's the only thing that has changed recently. Besides the size of my behind.

I'm dreading going to the transplant clinic next week because I know exactly what my Dr will say. I know I need to lose weight, obviously. I thought having a liver disease was going to suck the life out of me, but instead it has me all pudgy. My primary Dr told me to go low fat. The only problem is everything low fat is crazy high in sodium. Which my transplant Dr told me to stay away from. My transplant dietitian told me to eat more veggies and fruits but they all contain a lot of Vitamin K. And my hematologist told me I have to avoid that. What the hell. I don't know what I'm going to do, I just k.ow I need to do something. Obviously blogging at 3 am isn't going to help, so I'll stop now! Much love to you all!

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The little things

Happy St. Patricks Day everyone. I hope you ha e your green on:)

We aren't Irish. Well not that I know of anyways. But its one of those extra holidays that is just way to fun to pass by. I spent the past couple of weeks talking about leprechauns and their pots of gold. Anthony thought I was just being sill but today, he is a from believer. See, he decided he was going to catch one if they really did come to the house. So last night before bed, he placed his trap. Quite clever if you ask me. He turned a laundry basket upside down, propped it up with a book and placed a plate of (toy) spaghetti as bait.

As we were getting ready for bed, we hear a crash. The trap worked...on our chihuahua! So we let him out and reset it. Hugs and kisses, lights out and everyone was sleeping. Little did we know that, while we were dreaming those sneaky little leprechauns snuck in. We must have caught one, because the book had fallen and the basket was all the way down. So I woke the boys up to go and check. Don't you know, those sneaky little guys stole our spaghetti, but the left a big old pile of gold coins! Anthony face was priceless. As he peeked through the holes trying to figure out what was in there.

I didn't get to do all that I had planned for the day. I have a headache that has me down for the count. But the boys are out back with their grandparents and I can still hear Anthony talking about the "lefercan" that he almost caught. It's the little things like that make life so amazing.

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For the Better

So I'm getting ready for bed tight and I'm thinking, am I doing the right thing? See. We are going closing on our first, very own home next month. But I'm so worried its the wrong choice. Of course then I run through the pros and cons, and I believe we are doing what's best for our family. Why do I always doubt myself?

Yes living here with the in-laws has been a blessing. Not having to pay rent or utilities. Well, we pay the cable and my MIL's cell. We do try to help out when ever we can. And having someone around just incase I needed anything has been a safety net. But really is all this worth it?

I think most of the problem is I feel as though certain people do not believe I can handle it. You know, because I'm sick and all. I wish you could see my eyes rolling. Even here, I do the majority of what I need to be done. Yes sometimes the boys stay downstairs while I do what I need to do upstairs. And somedays I love having someone else take them out back when I don't feel up to it. But again, is it worth it?

We chose to move so that we could get the chance at being a real family. Mostly for the boys. They need a place where they can just be kids. Surrounded by things that are theirs. I can't wait to let them run and scream without having to demand that they sit and be quiet. Kids are meant to be free. Yes, to a point. No, I will not be letting the hang from the fans and walk all over me. But to see their smiles when the can turn the music up and dance around and just be, is what I'm most excited for.

I will admit that I'm looking forward to being married again. Not that I was unmarried. But trying to find time for your marriage is hard enough with kids. When your parents are watching too its just...awkward. I miss the random hugs and kisses. The movie time cuddling. And so much more.

I know being on the transplant list and expecting to only get sicker doesn't make it any easier. But I want to spend the next however healthy months or years living in my own house. I want to spend that time with the boys making pillow forts in the living room and playing hide and go seek. I can't lie. Knowing that my boys and David have something to call their own, if God forbid something happen to me, is one less burden on my chest. It's a small empty house. And we are going to make it our home and fill it with memories!

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Dreaming of a vacation

The past few weeks have been such a mess. A good mess. But so tiring. It looks like we have a few weeks of calm before closing. Yes, on a house. I'm so beyond excited. A little nervous, but I know this is the right choice for us right now. I'm just looking forward to unpacking my life that's been boxed up for the last 3 years and having a "home" again.

But its so stressful. It doesn't help that meetings and appointments all week means I can't take a certain medication, so my head is so foggy. I'm looking forward to a whole week of no school. I'll take my meds first thing in the morning and won't have to worry about it getting out of my system in time to pick Ant up from school. What is really love is a nice stay in a calm and relaxing hotel. Been trying to convince David to take me back the the Westin at La Cantera. If your ever in SA, and have the money, its worth every penny! We won a free night last year and it was wonderful and so refreshing! I long to go back.

Anyways. I know its been a while. I promise I have a ton of things to share just need more time! Bring on Spring Break :-)

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