Coumadin Diet

Ok so originally my Dr. has said to limit my Vitamin K and to eat the same amounts everyday so that we could regulate my dose to that amount. My body however had different plans, resisted the coumadin and put me up at 12mg. My Dr has never had to prescribe this much, let alone to such a little person.

So anyways, now I am to avoid vitamin K. I'm struggling here, because there is VitK in EVERYTHING! And of course in all my favorite things. So what does this mean for me. It means, no spinach,okra, asparagus, lettuce, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, green onions, cilantro, thyme, basil or oregano. No spaghetti sauce, so no lasagna or pizza. NO kiwi, blueberries, blackberries, grapes, avocado or pumpkin.

There are a few things I can eat. For veggies I can have beets, eggplant,mushrooms, yellow bells,squash and turnips. Fruit I can have are peeled apples, bananas, citrus, pineapple and watermelon. I can have all meats and starches and dairy though. Cant have V8 juice, but can have all the vodka I want....HA!

So how the hell am I supposed to be eating healthy. I guess, meat, rice and eggplant. Of course the one thing Ive never eaten, is one of the few things I can eat now.

I'm off to find some good eggplant and squash recipes. If only I could have a bottle of Vodka along with it:) I can have an occasional glass of wine though!

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Feeling Funky

And its not a good thing.
I don't know what it is, but the past couple of days have been rough. There is so much going on that I think I just got stuck in a funk and I'm stuck.
There are a million things I want to complain about. Things that frustrate me, times my feelings have been hurt, tempers and tension around the house. I just want to curl up in a ball and ride out the storm.
David used to joke about PPD and I know that is not the case here. If it was, trust me, Id take the drugs. But I think I reached the point in all this where things are calm, and the craziness of the last 11 months is finally catching up to me. Seriously life was a roller coaster and I was strapped in and couldn't get off. And now that things are getting in order and the ride is smooth, I don't know what I'm doing.
There are a million what ifs in my life right now and I HATE what ifs! I like to know the plan. I need to know whats going on and when. But now I'm in this waiting game. Its scary.

When things were up in the air, everyone asked me how I was feeling and dealing with it all. My reply was always that I was fine. I was seeing a doctor 2,4 and sometimes 5 days a week. If something changed they would catch it and that right there made me feel so safe. Now, things are "stable" as the Drs call it. My liver is still functioning fairly well and all my test have come back great. So my weekly appointments are now monthly and in between them I'm so worried that something is going to go wrong. And I think that in turn causes all these feelings to be brought up inside of me. I just want to be OK again.

And of course all these thoughts of what ifs and knowing what could have or still could happen, arent the kinds of thoughts that make you beam with excitement. Instead I feel.....sad and guilty. Sad because I have yet to find a case similar to mine with a positive outcome. Guilty because I feel like I am dragging my family down with me.

My husband is working 60+ hours a week to be able to pay off my bills, which keep coming in. Patience, gone. My dreams of our own place are gone. My family is so far away and divided at times. I'm tired and weak and scared that every headache or stomach cramp is the one that is going to let the craziness out again.

But then I see all the things I have to be thankful for. I have been blessed. I have a wonderful committed husband, who while he looks rough on the outside, makes me feel so safe and loved. He knows just what to say and when not to say anything at all. And then I have the two most beautiful boys. Anthony knows exactly what buttons to push, but on the other hand, he is the sweetest little man ever. He is caring and gentle...when he wants to be. And the fact that every morning the first thing he asks is where Alex is, just melts my heart. And then there is Alexander. My little man. I could watch him sleep for hours. I love the way he cuddles with me while he nurses. And the way his eyes get all scrunched when he smiles his big beautiful smile. I am surrounded by wonderful men. All whom I love with every fiber of my being. All who I know will keep me strong when I am weak. And all who I will always be here for. I cannot stumble now. I cannot fall. There is so much left to do still and I will not stop until its done.

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Endoscopy

Had an endoscopy on monday morning. And it really wasnt that bad at all. I was more worried about the anestesia than anything else, but what can I say...Fentanyl rocks. I was out like a light. I dont remember getting dressed or the ride home. And I woke up in my nice comfy bed at 7 that night. What time was my scope?.....8 am! So that was the best rest I have had in a long time.

And as far as the results go. The Dr was looking for varicose veins in my esouphagous. There are none. I even got a copy of the pictures he took on the way down. Not pretty, but maybe Ill share them anyways. Have to scan em first.

So that was the first of many test that the Drs want to run. And it was a great way to start off. There is nothing better than good news.

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Up and up

This morning when the phone rang I already knew who it was. My Hematologist calling with my INR results. And I am back up to 1.3!! But its still not good enough so he also bumped my coumadin up to 10mg. Apparently I have a coumadin resistance and so I will require larger doses. He mentioned that most of his patients are on 2 or 3 mgs, but that everything would be fine.
Still avoiding my VitK. Yesterday I had enchiladas, minus the sauce...so pretty much meat and cheese wrapped in a tortilla. And you know it really wasnt that bad. Just another thing I will have to work into my life and get used to.

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Ugly Truths

So we are driving to the lab the yesterday for another INR check and my 3 year old said something that caught me so off guard I didnt know how to reply to him. To hear the worry and concern in his little voice made my heart hurt. "Dont die momma" He said. I explained that we were just going to do some blood work. I have been honest and open with him about my health from day one. When he asked what I was doing in the bathroom with the door locked, I told him I was taking my medicine. After he asked me a hundred times if he could come in with me, I let him. When he offerd to hold the cotton ball on my injection site, I let him. He is my little Dr. Of course I explained that I have to take my medicine in a shot, and that they helped keep me strong. You just cant hide anything from this boy.

Anyways back to the subject. My ugly truth is that one of these days, I will die. But what do you say to your kid when he is in the back seat, repeatitly telling you not to die. "Because I need you and you are my best friend" he tells me. Then he just about broke down when I paused after he asked me if I promised not to die. It was one for thoes things where you wonder if he will really remember this. What if I say yes and he holds me to it. I hate broken promises. And he knows that. But I was in such shock at the conversation, I just told him that I wasnt going to die, just had to get some labs done so I could be better. He kept pushing until I said it, and I did. I promised something that I know I can not keep. But I know that I am willing to do what ever it takes to stay strong and healthy for my family. I hope and pray he will understand it all one day.

I went to bed that night with a horrible case of the what ifs! What if my liver doesnt get better? What if I cant get a shunt? What if there my transplant goes wrong or my body rejects the new liver? What if I get more blood clots and one gets into my heart or lung? Of course by then my heart is in my throat and Im staring my newborn baby in the eyes as hes nursing. Right next to me is my sleeping 3 year old and husband. And I tell myself, this is what I will live for. These are the boys who will keep me strong. The boys I will watch grow up and the man I will grow old with. Dying is not an option for me, I simply will not give up. I will not let anything stop me from getting better. I choose life:)

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Wrap up

Thank God its the weekend.

So I started my coumadin. And while a pill is so much easier to take than the dreadful Lovenox shots, its not that simple. Turns out it takes some tweaking to get the right dose for each person. My INR levels need to be between 2 and 3. My first check I was 1.1 and 1.2 the next. When I went to 1.3 the following check I was for sure I was on the right track. Today I was a whoping.....1. Seriously I dropped. I have done everything right. Including cutting out ALL vitamin K for the time being. Its such a pain in the @$$, but I am beyond ready to be done with needles. But not being able to have any greens, mostly my most favorites like spinach and okra, is killing me. I have to watch everything I eat. Why is it when someone tells you that you can't eat something, you crave nothing but that. What I would give for a big ol heap of buttery spinach. Atleast I have an excuse for not eating spaghetti. Cant have marinara sauce.

And on top of everything else, I have some sort of eye infecton thing going on. If its not gone by sunday, I will make an appt. It started in my right eye. The morning I was going to call the Dr, it was magically gone. Only to reaapear in my left eye, now that its the weekend again.

But atleast its the weekend :)

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