Happy Thanksgiving Day

Oh Turkey Day.  I love Thanksgiving.  Its actually my most favorite holiday.  And while today was super low key, it was a good day. There is so much to be thankful for this year. 

I am so very thankful for my family.  My boys who are the reason I get up every morning.  My husband who has been to hell and back with me and still gives me butterflies. I'm thankful to have such great relationships with my parents and brothers and sisters.  I'm thankful to have good InLaws who let us stay with them :) And for Davids family who have always made me feel right at home! 

I'm thankful for my friends.  Some I have know since elementary school and some I have never met in person. Some I haven't talked to in ages and some I touch base with at least every other day.  A group of new friends Ive made have helped me get though the process of preparing for my transplant.  My transplant buddies.  I love you guys and am so thankful to have you in my life.

One last thing I am so very thankful for is the organ donor that will one day give me the gift of life.  And not just my donor, but all donors.  Be it blood, marrow or an organ, I am thankful that there are people so willing to help save and enrich the lives of others.  And someone is going to give me somethings that is going to let me be around longer to enjoy all theses things that I am thankful for. 

I cant believe the day is over already.  I'm in bed watching General Hospital and the crazy Quartermaine Thanksgiving dinner is making me miss my family like crazy. Tomorrow we will be out shopping and hopefully putting up the tree.   I'm really looking forward to Christmas and New Years and all the goodness the new year will bring.  Will it be the year I get my new liver?  Only time will tell :)

Happy Thanksgivings to you all!  I hope you were all surrounded by family, friends and lots of good food!  What are you thankful for this year?

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Wordless Wednesday: Im a donor :)



Are you registered to be an organ donor?  I know I have asked it many times, and I promise I will ask you a hundred more times.  Each state has different requirements, so make sure you check it out.  Tonight there are 10,445 listed for a transplant, in the state of TX alone.  Register people!

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Bedtime Blues

I hate having to work so hard to be positive. This past week I have caught up with so many old friends. I was telling them about a kid from high school who told me thY I was always so cheery and sweet to him. Turns out I wasn't S horrible back then as I thought I was. Apparently I'm just really good at hiding it from people. Thankfully my closest friends knew the screwed up me;)

So I'm laying in bed tonight and as hard as I get to think of something good that has come out of this all, and I can't. Yes I have been blessed and know I have so much to be thankful for. But trying to see the good in a failing liver and bad blood just isn't happening tonight! I hate when I struggle like this. I'm grateful everyone is sleeping so they don't have to see me like this! Sometimes at night the only that keeps the bad dreams away is listening to David heart beat. Like the other night I asked him to hold me so I didn't have to think of fire. Everytime I coded my eyes I thought of burning buildings. Some nights its snakes or sometimes sharks. But the worst is the the dark and silence where I feel so afraid but have no idea why. When I'm running but can't see what's chasing me. When I'm searching but don't know what I'm looking for. That's the worst part of the night.

Most nights I'm so completely exhausted physically and mentally that I can barely stay awake. But once I close my eyes, and see what I see, I can't keep them shut! Like tonight I was ready for bed since I got up at 4am. But here it is 1:30 and I'm typing away. On my phone of course because the Little one is wide awake and wanting to cuddle. And now my eyes are getting droopy, so I quit for tonight. Hope it makes sence. I know I'm all over the place these days. I would wait till tomorrow to post this, but figured, what the hell. Atleast I'll have something funny to ready in the morning. Peace:)

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Donate Life Walk

Yesterday was the 13th annual Vital Alliance Donate Life Run/Walk.  And it was one of the most humbling days of my life.  Even though I have to admit that I didn't talk to many people.  Just being around so many people who needed and supported Organ, Eye and Tissue donation, was beyond eye opening.  It was amazing to see how people came together.  There were teams of people.  Wearing the same shirt, with banners and flags.  There were puppies and dogs walking with us too.  Thankfully that kept Alex pretty occupied for the first half of the walk.  The rest was spent like this ;)  Gotta love kid friendly phone apps!



The runners took off first and when we were coming around the first bend one lone runner came flying past us.  If I heard correctly, he was 16 years old.  The other runners we a few mins behind him.  We clapped, whistled and cheered them as they passed us.  Maybe one day Ill have enough strength and energy to run it.  Its now on my bucket list!  The trail was nice too.  I'm sure its much more pretty during spring and summer, but I cant wait to get back out and explore Breckenridge Park.  I love the trails.



We finished in a little over an hour.  We stuck around for a while after to hear the awards get handed out.  We got our face painted by the clowns, got a balloon. met Sparky and of course had to play on the playground.  And a shout out to the ladies who were nursing their babies in public!  And shame on on the men who were staring!  Rude! OK back to the walk.  I had a wonderful time and cant wait to do it again next year.  Maybe Ill have a team by then.  Any one in?

Hope Whispers is now on Facebook.  See more photos from the walk HERE.  And don't forget to hit the like button to keep up with the latest and greatest :)

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Drs Update

Its almost kind of odd not having to see a doctor so often anymore.  Now that things have settled down and I am stable, my appointments have spaced out.  I have a love hate relationship with this too.  I really love not having to be a a different doctor every week, but I had gotten so used to that security that now when one of them suggested I come back in 6 months instead of 3, I said there is no way I could go that long and not go in.  They have officially become the norm to me.

A few weeks ago I had my follow up with the Liver Clinic.  I had to see a new Dr. because my regular one was on vacation...again.  And the other one was very nice and all, but I guess I don't do well with change.  She scheduled me for an MRI that I did on Monday.  So now we wait to see.  In the notes there are 3 spots on my liver that hopefully have either gone away or disappeared.  No one ever calls me to give me results though, so I will call tomorrow and see if they got the report back.  So that was that appointment.

I also had my Hematologist appointment.  Which was nice because I have only been going in to see him every 3 months.  I still have to do my bloodwork monthly but because he is awesome and knows how overwhelmed I was with all my appointments, he lets me get by with only going in every so often. And the best news is that the Cancer Care Center will be opening up an office at the hospital that I go to now.  So that means I can go in monthly for the finger stick and get results right then and there.  I am doing blood draws now and it takes a few days for results to get back!  My INR was at 3.0 which is higher than they want it to be but he didn't change my dose.  We will see next month if it goes back down to the usual.  If not then we adjust.

I am anxiously waiting to see how my Psych appointment goes.  The poor man isn't going to know what hit him.  I'm totally joking.  When I mentioned my anxiety and nightmares, my Dr. referred me.  And the truth is I'm secretly looking forward to it.  I always say I'm more stressed than depressed.  But I think if I didn't have some sort of depression or depressed days, something was wrong.  I was talking to a friend last night and she told me I was always good at putting on a smile when I was screaming on the inside.  Nothings changed.  I do what I have to do and right now I have to put on my big girl panties and take care of what needs to be done.  That doesn't include whining because I'm sick.  There is no time to be sad about what is happening or how I feel.  The only problem is that at night, when everyone is sleeping, I lie in bed and process those feelings.  And that's what brings on the nightmares and anxiety. See, I got it all figured out already:)  Hopefully it will go a lot better than I am picturing it though! 

So there is my updates, my morning meds are slowly kicking in.  And after another scare last night with mixing up my meds, everything is back in order.  I'm hoping to get back on track with my walking tomorrow.  I need one more lazy day :) Hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far!

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10 Child Commandments To Parents

Sometimes we need a little reminder that our kids are just kids. Or is it just me?  I came across this when I was looking for a prayer.  And it was just what I needed.  I love my boys more than life itself.  There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for them.  I will always strive to be better for them and for our family!

10 Child Commandments To Parents

1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.


2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for a short time, please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs. Don't nag me all day long. ( You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness). Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I'll be prepared to make the kinds of decisions that life requires of me.

8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me to my brother or sister.

9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

10. Please take me to Sunday School and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.


I need to work on  a few of these.  Sometimes I expect to much from them both.  I really like #9 :)  And I can almost hear David saying "read #8"  That's a habit I really need to break. 

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Heartbroken

Tonight I'm thinking.  About the baby laying next to me, nursing off into dreamland.  About restless 5 year old in his room, rolling around in bed.  Before I know it, he will be climbing into be with me and his brother.  On most nights this would make my head spin.  Make me wish he would just stay asleep in his own bed.  But not tonight, because tonight, I am also thinking about the Hasslen family. 

A few weeks ago I found them on twitter when I searched "liver transplant"  I read about their 8 year old daughter who was just diagnosed with HCC, a tumor covering 2/3s of her liver.  Hannah needed a liver transplant but because of the cancer, she wasn't able to get listed. I sent prayers to Hannah and her parents.  And her little brother Jacob.  My heart felt so heavy for them. I prayed for her body to heal, for the meds to work, for her to be listed and get her new liver. Yesterday I was catching up on my tweets and I read

"Tonight @6pm, Hannah Helen Hasslen passed away & went home to the Lord! Her death was unexpected, sudden, peaceful and without pain."

Before I knew it I was sitting in a puddle of my own tears. My emotions were all over the place. This is the part I struggle with most in my beliefs.  I believe in God, I try my best to believe that he will not give me more than I can handle. I know that people die, I know that bad things happen.  But why to the sweet innocent children.  That part I can not come to terms with.

My journey with my liver disease has brought me lots of other friends who are suffering. From many different illnesses.  Many adults and sadly many children too.  We are given one life to live to the fullest, fill with memories, to make mistakes and to learn from them. But seeing that all get taken away so young...

My heart breaks for the, for anyone who loses a child, myself included.  So tonight I am thinking about all the children I know and those I dont.  Tonight Im thinking about my own children. Im thinking about you all.

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Halloween Fun

As much as I love Halloween, I'm so glad its over.  Because I LOVE Thanksgivings Day so much more:) 

I hope you all had a safe and spooky Halloween.  We sure did.  We only went around the block and came home with more than enough candy.  Anthony was thrilled to run into a few of his class mates along the way.  And surprisingly there were not tears over all the scary costumes.  Alexander was not in the mood to have his picture taken.  And Ant could barely contain his sugar high long enough to get more than a few shots.

Today Pumpkin carving is my favorite part of Halloween.  This year we had 6.  Everyone loved them, but were shocked we carved them.  Do people not do this anymore?  I only saw a few others on our walk.  Sad. David and I decided next year I will offer to carve pumpkins for people who don't have the time!  could be a nice little money pot:) 

Only the boys dressed up this year.  Anthony didn't want to wear a mask so he was a Boxer.  People got a kick out of his black eye.  One lady though it was real.  Alex was a monkey.  The 2 other costumes we wanted were sold out, so we got this one.  Cute but confusing to some.  Oh well, theres always next year right? 

Here are a few shots of the night!  Much love!



Stop by KSW and share your costumes and join the parade:)

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