July 24, 2022

Covid, Crying and a Complicated Decision

We all know how much I love wrapping up the week with some thankfulness.  But sitting down to collect little moments y'all, it might be a bit of a stretch.  The boys and I came up to Houston last week to get a few things done around the house.  David has been so busy with work that we havent' even gotten around to putting the house up for sale.  And the longer it takes the harder its been to let go.  Yeah, Im back to struggling with the idea of moving.  Don't judge me.  I am horrible about making big decisions, but this move has been one of the hardest I have ever made.  Walking in the house, even after getting blasted with hot stale air, it felt like coming home. David also has covid so, thats why we are still up here!  He was to sick to make the trip up here.

And so now I am back to square one.  Le sigh...

I don't know what we are going to do, but last night we talked until 3 am just trying out all the options and what ifs. Where are we happiest.  What schools work better. Where we would buy a house if we moved.  I don't think I have talked to David in such a serious manor in the whole 23 years we have been together.  No lie.  I also don't think we have ever been this unhappy.  Not with each other but just with life in general.  

But today is supposed to be about all the happy things,  so lets cut out the doom and gloom and skip to the good part!  How about we share some happiness. 

Halloween Dragonfly

I said there was a lot of crying.  One afternoon I was just so overwhelmed I sat in my hammock and sobbed.  There was a buzzing all around and I looked up to see this striped dragonfly swooping down at me.  I said hello.  Yes I talk to bugs,  nerd alert.  Well my friend landed on tall stem of grass and sat with me for hours.  It started raining and the wind was blowing but this guy held on for dear life.  I grabbed my camera and went out in the drizzle to get a few photos of him. He felt like a sign.  A reminder that even when life is trying to blow me away, all I gotta do is hold the hell on.  Eventually the storm passed and when the sun came out again, he took off.  But not before flying right over my shoulder. 

I took Alex, to his Ortho appointment.  ON MY OWN.  Ok I had to uber, but I even did that myself.  So it might sound kinda silly to other parents who are like, "way to go Kim, you did your job". But being chronically ill has taken away these kinds of things.  I have never had the chance to drive my kid to an appointment.  I always have another adult driving me and "supervising" me whenever I leave home.  So maybe it is kinda silly, but I don't have a lot of independence and this felt like a big gulp of it.  It was nice.  Made me feel like a real mom!

Laying in bed listening to Anthony jamming out and singing bohemian rhapsody at the top of his lungs.  I was taught at a young age to be seen, not heard. Smile but don't talk. I never would have been able to blast music that loud and free in the middle of the night.  Hearing him sing and laugh made my heart so unbelievably happy!

Groceries were delivered the other day.  And the hobbits boys were happier than me.  I was only planning on staying the week so I didn't get much last week.  This time there were more snacks.  Even some pizza rolls.  Grocery delivery = lifesaver.  And I didn't have to ask anyone for a ride. So double win for me! 


Hitting up a last minute movie last weekend before David left.  Not only did I get to see Thor, hello!, but while I was waiting for Alex to get out of the restroom I noticed the new trash/recycle bins.  I totally geeked out but I cant tell you how many times I have had to toss my drink cup still half full and felt awful.  Yeah, I think about how heavy trash bags at the theaters must be.  Half of it wasted drinks.  And then they went and added a compost bin too!  Swoon! 

There were a few other small things that made me smile this week.

Shark Week started.  Its one of my most favorite weeks.

New growth on my plants.  I was sure they'd be dead after 2 weeks with no AC.

The neighbor being so excited to see Anthony.  Poor guy though we left without saying goodbye.

Waking up in my own bed.  Sucks that it was just me but its my bed!

The AC.  How did people ever survive Texas summers without air conditioning?

I finished another book. People we meet on Vacation.  Loved it too!

SO, maybe there was more happiness than I though there would be.  The big picture feels heavy and full of big decisions.  But when I cut the week up into all the little moments, the happiness just oozes out.  I really didn't think I would be able to come up with even a handful of things and then I couldn't stop.  A good reminder that life isn't as black and white as it seems sometimes.  Its full of so many colorful moments that we just need to take a second to see.  They are there, if you look for them. 

What made you happy this week?  

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