January 1, 2012

Running Away

A new year comes with new promise.  This year one thing I would like to do is run. Maybe every day, probably not.  Not because I don't want to but because running hurts me.  I've been feeling lately like I am stuffed.  And I kinda am with my liver and spleen so enlarged.  Add that to being top heavy and running isn't the most coordinated or comfortable thing for me.  I'm sure I look like a spaz doing it too but oh well.

Yesterday mom said that if I wanted to continue to do things all year that I needed to do them all today on the first day of the new year.  I joked that I was going to get up early, make breakfast, smile as I served it, pull weeds, clean house, and run.  Its almost 10 and the only thing I didn't do was pulling weeds.  No to bad.  I was going to run this morning, but I put it off.  But when it hit 7 and still no run, I knew I had to just do it and get it over with.  So we got home from the store and I went straight to it.

I never really push myself to hard.  Some days I stop before the pain starts.  Or I just tell myself one mile is enough or 20 mins.  So afraid to push just a little bit farther. Until tonight.  Tonight, I told myself I was going to run with out a break for a few mins and I didn't stop until I did.  My treadmill has a little track that lights up with dots and I told myself I was going to run half way walk a minuet and run the rest, and I did.  Half way thought the pain in my liver kicked in but then then I got a cramp in my foot and forgot about it.  I walked for a bit but then picked it back up.  It seemed like the more I ran the less I hurt.  And then I realized I had past that point.  The one where I usually gave up.  I did it.  I know I didn't run far or fast, but that doesn't matter to me.  What matters is that I ran and I remembered just how good it feels.  I used to run to ease my anxiety and stress.  But this was something different.  I'm excited to run again.  I'm looking forward to my heart pumping, focusing in on my breathing, no music, just the sound of my feet.  30 minuets uninterrupted.  Aside from feeling better mentally, I hope to lose some weight.  Walking last year didn't seem to do much for me and so I hopefully pushing myself farther will do the trick.  I plan on buying myself some new shoes after the first 10lbs are gone!  And I really want some new shoes!

But right now I'm gonna work on my sleep goals and head to bed.  After I make lunches for tomorrow.  Oh how I am looking forward to our usual routine.  Vacation is nice, but I'm ready for reality!  Bring in 2012!

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