Hi. My name is Kim and I have a liver disease.

My mind has been all over the place lately. Yes Ive been taking my meds ;)  I keep going over and over the school supply list.  The worry of my oldest starting school has finally hit.  Not only did it hit me, it knocked me on my ass.  The thing is, I'm not worried about how he will do.  I have all the faith in the world that school is just what he needs.  I'm excited for him to get out of the house, learn new things and  meet new people.  Have real friends versus imaginary ones.  I know it will be a big adjustment for him, but he will get there.

Don't laugh, but what I'm really worried about is how much I will affect him.  I don't want him to be known as the kid with the sick mom.  I don't want people to feel sorry for him.  I don't want him to be embarrassed of me.  Right now I am fine.  I have been feeling really good considering.  Friday I am going in for the whole meet the teacher thing.  Do I mention being on the transplant list to her or the other parents?  Or do I wait for the letter telling me about how Anthony told the whole class that I have a disease :)  That could be bad.  What will the other parents think about me? What if they hear it through the grapevine that I have liver disease and automatically think I'm and alcoholic? Or a drug user.  Crap, why are people so judgemntal these days.  Have me up all night worrying about what people will think of me. 

Why is this bothering me so much?  Maybe its just the late night anxiety that has me all worked up over this.  But I am really afraid that I will somehow hold my baby back from being a normal little boy.  The guilt is eating at me.  I guess we will just have to wait and see.  Its so past my bed time.  Much love.

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Manic Monday

 

What are 5 things you want to do in your life? 

1. Go to Australia.  Ive wanted to do this since the first time I watched Crocodile Dundee :)
2. Buy a house.  Have a real home.
3. Start my own photography business. 
4. Take the boys back home to the Marshall Islands. 
5. Get a new liver and live up to the greatness of the gift of life. 

What are you saying goodbye to?
  
The part of me that feels I am not as deserving as anyone else.  I have always put others needs in front of my own.  And I mean that in the most unselfish way possible.  I feel guilty for wanting things.  I feel guilty for asking for help.  But being in a situation like mine, its impossible not to.  And after letting it eat away at my soul.  I have come to realize, there is not way around it.  I am going to need help, I am going to need to change things around in order to suit my needs.  I will not feel bad for wanting things like pampering and alone time.  I will not feel bad for asking and accepting donations, because if I could, I would give to someone else in my situation.  I will not be guilted in to feeling like the spoiled one because I know I give back as much as I get. I am so grateful for all that I have been given.  I cant apologize for being blessed!


What are you currently fascinated with?
  
Spreading Organ Donation Awareness.  There is so much that people don't understand.  So much more they could know that might help them register to be a donor.  My journey to a new liver has brought about so many new friendships and stories that I want to share with the whole world. Or the whopping 5 people who read my blog.  At least they will be well informed ;)

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A Birthday Wish

A while back I posted about the number of people waiting for a life saving organ transplant.  So many of my friends and family stated that they are donors.  But I wonder how many of you really are.  Did you know its not as simply as saying "I am a donor" does not guarantee that your wishes will be granted when the time comes. 

So here's my wish. I wish that all of my family and friends would register to be organ donors.  You can register HERE. It only takes a few minuets.  Don't forget to let the DMV know as well so they can put it on your licence.  And talk to your family.  Let them know your wishes and reasons for choosing to be a donor.  If you need a few, here you go.

• Each day, about 77 people receive organ transplants but about 19 die each day waiting. 
• By donating your organs and tissue you can save or improve up to 50 lives.
• Every 10 minuets another name is added to the list.
• There are more than 100,000 people waiting for a life saving transplant.
• More than 1700 of those people are under the age of 18

Seriously. I cant think of any reason not to donate!  You will not need them where you are going.  And you will be giving the greatest gift of all...Life! So share with me.  Are you a registered donor? And what made you decide to be, or not to be :( a donor?

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First ER trip

You know when your pregnant and every little twinge sends you in to a panic thinking its time.  Well This past weekend was something a little like that. Except I'm NOT pregnant and I wasn't really excited about any of it.

Last Thursday I woke up in pain.  A different pain.  Most of the time its my right side that hurts, this time is was my left.  So I got out of bed and tried to decide what it could be.  Gas maybe?  As the day went on, the pain got worse.  But stubborn me put it off.  By Friday morning, I couldn't walk standing straight up.  Anthony told me I looked like the number 7 because I was hunched over the better part of the day.  Hes such a sweet boy.  No really, he spent most of the day, tending to me, like he was my Doctor.  He checked my blood pressure and my heart.  Gave me water to help me feel better.  I had planned on going to the ER after David got home from work but no such luck.  He had to pull a double. And didn't get home till late, by then all I wanted to do was sleep.  Then I procrastinated all day and didn't end up going till the boys were all ready for bed Saturday night.

So to shorten it up a bit, the ER of course was a mess.  Waited for a good 2 hrs to get seen.  The Doctor was nice and the nurse was great.  Hey Brian!!  He called me Girlfriend and then apologized.  By then it was 5 something in the morning and his attitude was all that was keeping me from strangling someone.  Had a CT.  And then the Dr came in.  **Cue dramatic music**

So the Dr comes in, looks and my paperwork and says "OK, how do I explain this"  The first though in my head was What the hell do I have now.  I have managed to get two rare conditions already, third times a charm right.  Next thing I know he is draping a towel over arm and giving me anatomy 101.  Slowly the lump in my throat is getting bigger.  And then he says "its nothing big"  Just useless appendages that are inflamed.  But they will fall off when the blood supply gets cut off.  Sounds like fun right.  So he wrote me a  scrip for some meds and I was on my way.

And here I am on Thursday still in pain, but I can walk up right again.  Thank God.  And Alexander is happy that I can pick him up again, so that's another plus.  So all in all it wasn't half as bad as I though it was going to be.  But some one once told me that now that I am sick I should pack an ER bag because I'm going to be going there more often.  Makes sense, because we could have used a few things.  A pillow, maybe something to read or another bed perhaps...

God I love this man...

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