Menu Plan Monday: October 27th

 

How is it Monday already?  That was fast.  At least we only had one soccer game this weekend.  And as short as it was, we enjoyed it.  Even managed to get a few things we have been putting off done.  More on that later. Lets talk food.  My appetite has gone missing again and nothing sounds good.  I need some more ideas y'all!  Here is what we settled on for this weeks menu.


Monday:
Tuna Subs.

Tuesday:
Enchiladas, Rice and Beans.

Wednesday:
Leftovers before soccer practice.

Thursday:
Mushroom Chicken.

All this and cheese wrapped in a tortilla. Friday can't get here soon enough!

Friday:
Southwest Steak Wraps.

Saturday:
Leftovers.

Sunday:
Fish Scampi and Linguine.


Quick Question.  Are we the only ones who eat leftovers so often?  I see so many people who say they don't like leftovers or just plain refuse to eat them and throw them out.  What a waste of money.  And time.  I love to cook but some days there just isn't enough time or energy to. And when I do cook I want to enjoy it. It doesn't have to be the same exact dish.  When money is tight, I will buy a a whole chicken or the family packs.  You can make so many things out of leftover chicken.  Soup, tacos, taquitos, enchiladas, salad, sandwiches and so much more. Leftover roasts and hams make great sandwiches. Even if its just for lunch.  What is your favorite way to use up your leftovers?

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Forget Red. I am seeing Orange!

I grew up in a loud house. I mean LOUD. I'm sure our neighbors could tell you stories. There were 6 of us kids and that was crazy enough. Throw in alcoholism, anger and my parents splitting up when I was 11, at times it was unbearable. I promised myself that my children would have better. I was going to be different. I had two goals, I wasn't going to be a lush and I wasn't going to yell. The drinking was easy to stop. A failing liver and being put on the Liver transplant list brought all that to a stop. And for the record my love of Jack and Coke had nothing to do with my liver disease. But when you are pregnant with a child you already thought you couldnt have and you have just been told that you have a liver disease with no cure other than a full liver transplant, it can be a little challenging to get a grip on your emotions. And over time things didn't get any easier.

I can tell you the exact day it started. I cant remember why I yelled but I yelled and I even threw in a slammed cupboard door for added drama. My sister was living with me at the time and I remember her saying "Ok Dad!" I had snapped. I had scolded my boys before then. Yelled even but that was the first time I did it with anger! I've said it a hundred times by now. Being a mom is not for the weak. Being a mom and living with a chronic illness, well that's just impossible some days. That's when I started really yelling. And I'm not saying my condition is the reason I yell but it plays a very big part if it.  

This last summer was hard on me. August was brutal. And one day when I popped on Facebook, to vent about my horrible day, I saw a post about bloggers needed for the Yell Less Love More Blog Tour. I was randomly and by the grace of God chosen to review it. And it couldn't have come at a better time. I had no idea things could get any worse,but they did. September and October have gotten the best of me. But I can honestly say that without this book it would have been worse.

I had a plan. I was going to follow the plan religiously. Then on day 4, life happened. I yelled. More than once and I started all over. A few more days in I'd yell again. And it wasn't because the book wasn't working. It was just because I am not perfect. I didn't expect to be able to go a whole 30 days with out yelling right off the bat. One of the greatest things I have come away with from this book is that I don't have to be perfect and I'm not alone!  

And now after spending the last few weeks curled up in pain and dealing with mind blowing fatigue I am starting all over. I started taking notes right away. Hell, I've rewritten this post a handful of times. But my brain fog is clearing and I've decided to take this as a chance start the challenge all over and share it here with all of you. I'm would like to post once a week on my progress. I know how unpredictable my life can be so know its going to be brutal. And of course I'm sure there will be more setbacks, but even the smallest changes are steps in the right direction. Baby steps. Little orange rhino footprints leading the way.

Its nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I don't know if its just me being hard on myself but I feel an overwhelming pressure to be better. What I like to call " Pinterest Perfect" That if I don't cook these picture perfect meals and throw these elaborately themed parties and always get along with my boys, then I am somehow not good enough. I tell my boys all the time " You don't have to be perfect! You just have to try!" Its about time I take my own advice.

In the book Sheila talks about triggers and suggested writing them down to keep track of them. How can that help? For me, it was quite sobering. Everything sets me off. I mean really, is an empty toilet paper roll worth hurt feelings? Lets just say I had a lot to work on. Once I wrote them down it was easy to look at a few and tell myself to get over it. Now most days I am able to look at the scattered toys and sigh instead instantly yelling that everything be picked up or its going in the trash. And the other day when there was no toilet paper in my bathroom, thanks David, and I had to run to the boys bathroom only to find an empty roll there too. I laughed and thought to myself, sh!t happens.

In the book you will find some great tips to help you not yell. One of them is to picture yourself on a beach. This is something that I did already. Its easy to do when you grew up on a beach like this. 

There are some other fun ones like repeating "I love you". I do this too, except I usually sing it. Sometimes through my teeth when things are really about to hit the fan. My not so pitch perfect song gets the boys attention quick! In the book, it's all laid out for you in easy to follow along chapters. I bought a new journal to have a separate place to keep track of the daily challenges, triggers and what I did right or wrong. I have to hold myself accountable. I've also spilled the beans to the family. I don't know why I thought I could do this the first time around without them.

I've already made plans to buy the book for a few friends and family members who I know could use it. Starting next week I will be sharing my journey through the challenge. If you haven't don't it yet check out The Orange Rhino and take the challenge today! Because if there is one thing I can promise you its that life is short and if you can yell less and love more it will be so much more worth it all in the end.

Pre order your copy of Yell Less, Love More HERE and join the club. I'm pretty sure yelling in excitement is allowed :) I know I did when I was chosen to receive a free advanced copy to review. Thank You Sheila for this opportunity!

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Menu Plan Monday: October 20th

I actually have a menu planned this week.  I even went grocery shopping.  I just ran out of time to share it all earlier.  The Mr stayed home from work today even though my appointment was cancelled.  So we did what most people would do right?  Went out for Breakfast then came home and watched movies we have been wanting to watch but were not quite kid friendly.  After that we went shopping and picked up the boys  from school.  Before I knew it, it was time for soccer practice.  Everyone is bathed and in bed but I just had to share since I'm actually trying some new things this week!  Finally!  I'm so excited.

Monday:  Complete fail.  I was going to make a nice dinner since I was home all day.  We ended up buying pizza on the way home.  It happens.  No judging.

Tuesday:  Ginger and Scallion Beef with fried rice and stir fry veggies.

Wednesday:  Soccer Practice night so we will be cleaning out the fridge and eating up whatever is left in there.

Thursday:  Turkey Chili and Crackers.  I have been using this recipe for years. The flavor is strong enough that you can't even tell its turkey.  And since I can't eat to much red meat, this works perfectly.

Friday:  Panko Crusted Honey Mustard Salmon with salad and roasted broccoli.

Saturday:  Leftovers again.  I'm so tired of throwing away food!!

Sunday:  One Pot Chicken and Potatoes. I was looking for something easy and this looks like a winner.  


So that is 3 new recipes in one week.  Lets hope I don't overwhelm myself.  My mind has been really playing with me this past month and even reading a recipe can be a little challenging at times.  But with some early prepping, I should be good to go.  Ill be sure to share later on how everything turns out!  Happy Monday y'all!

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Im alive...sorta!

In between bouts if pain and fatigue I have written this post over and over. But then I forget to hit post or delete it instead of saving it.  Yesterday it was all gibberish. Between auto correct, and encephalopathy I ended up just  scratching the whole post and starting over.

So here I am.  1:30 in the morning and determined to hit the post button this time.  Its been a crazy rough week and I have an even crazier weekend coming up. But what can I do.  I have a smile and my big girl panties on. 

Tonight was the first night this week with a break in the pain and I actually ate dinner with little discomfort afterwards . And big plus, I can breathe again.  Im actually laying on my belly as i type and that NEVER  happens.

Tomorrow  its the Comapany party, volunteer, a soccer game, a birthday party and then one more party.  Sunday we have another game and I really need to get my grocery shopping done too. But for now, Im gonna sleep.   Good Night moon!  Be back again soon!!

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Define Disability...

If you have been following the blog for a while you may have heard me talk about receiving Disability Benefits. I don't talk much about it because I have gotten a bit of backlash for it. I didn't apply so I wouldn't have to work. I did it because there is no way I could go back to work and keep myself as "stable" as I am right now. And surviving on Davids income alone seems impossible. I had been planning on going back to work just before I was diagnosed.

Today I got a letter in the mail stating that my case was under review. I stared at the pages on the packet I have to fill out. I remembered how small I felt in that courtroom asking for help. How scared and embarrassed I was. Even though I had a whole team of doctors behind me, supporting me. Even with David beside me reminding me to breath and to stop laughing out of nervousness. What I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die. It honestly seemed like it would be easier. Being questioned about things I was just learning and not having enough confidence to fight for myself. It was awful. I was denied. And after my lawyer pushed back, we won. I feel all those emotions coming back to me as I write this. What if I am denied again.

I would love to be able to work a full time job. But I'd have to stop taking my medication and my encephalopathy would only worsen. Yesterday I made banana bread, turned the oven off but never took the bread out of the oven. I've locked my self out of the house and left the stove on. I have cut myself, fallen, gotten lost and forgot who I was. I've become hesitant to leave the house. I dread it. But I try to make the most of my good days. I can volunteer with the Rescue every chance I can. David drives me and is ready to pick me up as soon as I call him. I spend soccer practice in the car because I worry that I look as bad as I feel. I put on a smile as part of my outfit for the day even though on the inside I am an anxious wreck. I deny help because I hate that I need it. Do you know how hard it is to be a good parent when you are so unsure of yourself? When your mood can go from hot to cold before you can even catch your breath. Have you ever been so mentally exhausted because when you kids are home you are constantly keeping track in your head of where they are and telling yourself they are fine. All while trying to double check everything you are doing so you don't screw something up

When I get home after school my thoughts go a little something like this.

Ok it's 3:15. Is the garage door closed? Doors locked? How many kids do I have? One. Two. Three. Where is Grandma? Backpacks!! Folders. Oh wait, whats for snack today? Did I make something? OH crap I hope I turned the oven off. Where is everyone? Backpacks! Folders. Folders. Folders. OK everyone has their folders. What was for snack again? Wait! Did I eat today? I should eat something. Did I put the clothes in the dryers? Dinner, whats for dinner? Oh hey look someone commented on my FB picture. Wait, when did I share that picture? Oh I forgot to text so and so back. Oops David text me 2 hours ago and I never hit send. Sorry Baby! What was I doing? Where are the dogs? Oh right behind me. Where are the kids? Guys?!?! Anthony is in his room reading. Alex and Eva are finishing homework. OK. Crap!!! Guys! Come get your snacks! Sorry. Dinner. I need to start dinner. Practice in 3 hours. Wait where is the soccer bag? ANTHONY!! I should text Grandma and see if she can watch Alex. No energy to play soccer with him at practice. Dinner, right. Wait GUYS! Where are you? Homework now! OK. Dinner. First water. Feeling a little queasy. I never ate did I? Breath. What time is it. 3:30. Focus Kim.

Sometimes I catch myself just pacing back and forth with my hands on my hips trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing. By the time I start dinner I am done. And that's just in my head. If only I could give you a run down of my medication and the side effects. Maybe someday. But its something that has to be done and I am determined to do it until I physically can't anymore. That sounds a little stubborn, but I know what my future holds. I know I will miss dinners because I am in the hospital. I know that there will be weeks where I can't find the strength to make dinner. I try to remind myself that cuddling them a little longer, read another chapter or at least sit with them while they fall asleep because there will be days that I will miss it all. Even the meltdowns and arguments, I know I will miss them too.

But for right now, I am just going to fill out theses form, have faith in the doctors and my own decisions.

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