What makes me so special?

I wish you all could have seen the light in his eyes when he told me that he was chosen to be student of the week.  This is a kid who always gives 100% in school.  One who wakes up every morning (usually before his alarm) and is excited to go.  He struggles, yes.  He has been bullied.  But it doesn't stop him one bit from going back each day with a smile.

Homework is done as soon as we get home, so we laid everything out like usual and started going over his student of the week poster.  Name up top.  A story about something big that happened in his life, which he chose when we added Poncho to the family.  There was a questionnaire about his favorite things.  And then it asked who his hero was. And with out skipping a beat he said " You are my hero."

At first I didn't think I was hearing him right.  Me?  Lately we have been driving each other crazy. I've been yelling like a mad man and he has been full of attitude and anger.  Me?  Really?  What makes me a hero?  I asked him if maybe he would want to choose his grandpa or uncle who is in the military. I'm no hero.  I wasn't looking for validation or anything but I wondered why he would pick me. And he gave me reason after reason.  Until he was hugging me tightly and telling me that he loved me.  Its not very often he is so loving, so you had better believe I wrapped him up in my arms and held him for a minute. Or three.

I've never been any ones hero before.  But hearing him name off things that I do that make him think I am one, made my whole week.  He would write and erase.  Start over again.  When I asked him why he said, "There isn't enough room for me to say it all, but at least I can just tell you how special you are!" The very last sentence says " She's also on the liver transplant list. For 5 years now. And not even that stops her from loving us the way she does."

I don't know if he has any idea, but he made my heart so happy.  Most days I feel like I'm a train wreck and that I have failed this whole mom thing.  But knowing that despite all our arguments and eye rolling, Oh God the eye rolling, he still knows that I love him and would do anything for him and his brother.  That makes all the worry disappear, even if just for a few hours. My guys are my everything. No matter how tired or how bad I hurt, they will always come first!  Always.  I still don't think that makes me a hero.  Just a mom!

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Thankful Thursday

Years ago, Anthony said one day as we were playing in a blanket fort that we should make one outside. And the idea of camping popped into my head. I remember telling my dad about it and reminiscing on the few memories I have of us going. Back in New Mexico when I was probably 6 or 7. I still remember the smell of the river and the catfish cooking.  I wanted my boys to have those kinds of memories too. A few weeks later, he sent Anthony, not one, but two fishing poles.  I wonder if he knew Id be needing another one?

Two years ago I finally convinced David to buy me a tent.  At that point, I think he was only tired of me talking about it.  He is more of a "Cabin Camper." He likes the AC and the comfort of his own home.  Stars and Campfires, not so much. But he played along. A few weeks after the tent, he bought me a campfire grilled cheese maker. The boys had a sleepover that summer and we popped the tent up in the back. We have camped out a handful of times in the back now.

Well all these years later, he has finally agreed to take us. The plan was to go last weekend, but the rain scared us away. We did settle on a campground and even drove out there to check it out.  I won't lie, its out there and a little intimidating. The boys are excited, I am too, but I am pretty sure David will need a beverage or two to calm his city boy nerves. Honestly, I think he might actually be looking forward to it a little big too. I am just hoping we get out there soon.

Sometimes we have to put ourselves outside of our comfort zone. Sometimes we do things we don't really want to do because someone we love really wants to do it. Every family has that one crazy person with the crazy ideas right? Well in our family, I wear that badge. And proudly. I insist on doing things that no one wants to do, and I pray that by the time its over, everyone has enjoyed themselves.

So what am I thankful for exactly?  For a family who entertains my crazy ideas. For boys who can find an adventure in even the simplest of things and for a husband who loves me enough to smile and go along with it all. Even if it means sleeping in the middle of the woods in a place we have never been before. He might shake his head at a few of my crazier ideas, but he never says no.

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Adventures in Kindergarten: Red is BAD!

On the first day he was terrified, but bravely did as he was told. Said goodbye and went to work.

As we head in to week three of the new school year, I've noticed something in my youngest son.  He is very much like me.  He doesn't do change.  It was a big shock to him, to go from hanging out with mom all day to, tables and chairs, rules and a schedule.  And as much as we practiced at home, having to do all these things for someone who is not your mother, a bit of a challenge for him.

Now don't get me wrong, he is my sweet one.  He is a lover.  He is kind and thoughtful.  He worries about people.  He gets sad over things and his feelings can get crushed by one wrong look.  The first week of school was all greens in his folder.  Green is good.  Last weekend, both boys got sick. Monday was a holiday, Tuesday they were home still sick and Wednesday we were back to a green. Thursday, was all wrong.  I went to check in with the office so I could walk him to class and he told me he wanted to do it all by himself.  After walking down and then coming back to give me one last hug, see, he is sweet, he sat down and I left.  I waited in line to pick him up, excited to see how his day went. One look at his face and I knew something was up.  His first words to me..."I got a red today."  His folder said: Not himself today.  Running, rough housing and kissed another student. SAY WHAAA?

He knew what his consequences would be.  Red is BAD.  Red is unacceptable.  So he is grounded and had to sit though a talk that he really didn't want to have.  But in the end I think he let it all soak in.  I hope he did.  I guess I will see how the next week goes.  But, its been on my mind since then. Was I to hard on him?  Did I choose my words wisely?  Does he really know better? Yes he knows better.  Because I have taught him better.  So, please God let it be the one and only time.  I don't think I can handle more days like that.

On Friday I opened the folder to a "Much better today!"  Thank you baby Jesus!  The weekend didn't go as planned.  A red mark in the folder crashed our plans of camping and fun.  But they are both excited for the chance to try again. Well the little one anyways.  I can't believe I thought he was going to be the calm one.

Also, if anyone has any tips for keeping these boys awake after school, please let me know.  They come home, have a snack, do homework and then they can't stay awake.  Bedtime has been a little rough. Hopefully with soccer back in the swing of it all they will at least stay awake for that!  We will see!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.  Cheers to a new week and a fresh start.  And who ever said that they learned everything they needed to learn in kindergarten, was very very wrong.  Just saying!

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