January 3, 2019

My One Word 2019

A few months ago, I started thinking about what I wanted 2019 to about.  What I wanted to focus on, what I wanted to accomplish and what I wanted to feel.  One word came to mind but I felt almost too easy.  I felt like I could go bigger.  What did I want for myself, my family, this blog?  For weeks I tried to figure it out and every time, all I could hear was this one word.  And so it goes, my one word for 2019 was settled.

I can't believe I was so hesitant to accept this as my word.  All I could think was "how do I use that word to guide me for a whole 12 months?"  But no other word felt right and I get it now.  On the 31st I woke up and told David it was official.  My word for 2019 is GROW.

2018 was a big year for us.  We did almost everything we planned on doing and my heart was happy and content.  But once the end of the year came around, I started to struggle.  Yes, it was an amazing year but I still feel like I was hanging on by a thread.  I want more for this year.  I want to stand on solid ground and grow my roots down deep.  So just like last year, I'm taking my word and am going to narrow down a few areas where I want my word to shine.

David and I were talking the other day and I told him that somehow over the years, I lost faith in myself.  I second guess myself constantly and catch myself feeling inadequate, and that's not like me so I really need to do some work inside.  I want to grow and be more confident in myself and my decisions.  I want to be more comfortable being myself and in my skin.  I want to feel like I have my shit together and know what I'm doing with my life.  I would like to grow up, just a little and I want to let go of some of the baggage that has been keeping me down.

This year I want to grow money!  Does anyone know where one buys a money tree? This year we filled our cups and emptied our wallet a little more than planned.  It didn't help that the heater died a few days before Christmas and had to be completely replaced.  Anthony and I both had unexpected bills and Chico, well, anyone pet owner knows, vet bills always pop up at the worst time.  This year is all about catching up and growing that bank account.  Less overspending and more saving to pay off debt.

If I told you how many unpublished/unfinished posts I have just sitting in my dashboard you would probably think I'm crazy.  But it goes back the the whole second guessing myself thing. In my journey to find and grow myself, I hope that my blog grows with me.  I want to share more of myself here and be OK with my weird showing.  The same goes for all my social channels. I want to get back to growing and enjoying them too!  I miss just sharing my life. So hopefully you will all be seeing more of me around here and HERE and HERE and HERE and even HERE too!  Stop by and say hi so I can make sure I visit you back!

No, there will be no babies.  Not that kind of grow.  I would really love to reconnect to my siblings.  Over the past few years we all kind of disconnected.  This summer getting to spend time with most of them made my heart so incredibly happy, but if we could grow just a little closer this year, that would be really nice.  Id also like to do some growing in my marriage. David and I have been connected at the hip since high school.  With him working so much the past couple of months I realized just how much I enjoy his company.  We are not it a bad place at all but I think relationships should always be growing and I want to make sure that we don't put it on the back burner while he is so busy.  Does that make sense?

OK this one is kind of a reach.  But it can't be impossible.  In the spirit of self growth, Id also like to challenge myself to grow things.  Plants.  You guys, I have black thumbs.  But something in me just loves to keep trying to grow things.  I have managed to kill my grass, my roses, and a dozen other plants.  But this year I am going to plant things and dammit they are going to grow!  I don't know quite yet what I'm going to grow, but something!  I just have to convince David to invest in me and my love of buying then killing things.  Again.  He is a tad skeptical after the whole rose bush incident.

OK, now lets talk about you and what your plans are for 2019.  Do you make resolutions?  Do you pick a word for the year?  Or are you wild and just winging it?  I really feel like this will be a big year of growth.  I hope it is everything you hope it to be too!  

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