December 14, 2018

Family. Fighting. And other F words

It's Friday!  And on Fridays it's all about the things that made us happy this week.  This is my 3rd attempt at writing this post out. The first one was dark, the second was grey and gloomy.  This week sucker snuck up on me and throat punched me.  It make be angry, sad, frustrated and left me wanting to just run away from it all.  Lots of deep breaths remind me that I'm right where I was needed this week and even though I got through it on fumes.  But I'm going to give it a go, on more time and see if I can't find the light in this week.

Today I'm linking up with Lindsay from The Flynnigans, Charlotte from My Pixie Blog and Beth from Coffee until Cocktails.  Every Friday we share all the things that we are happy, grateful and thankful for!  Stop on over and see what everyone else is sharing today! Here is my list for this week!

Im not sure it will be a long list, but I feel like I owe it to myself to dig deep and find the things that I have to be happy for despite the shit week it has been, so here goes nothing!

If I could work outside the home, I would in a heartbeat.  The extra income would be so nice, and seeing other faces and talking to people would probably do me a wonder of good, but being able to be home when the boy are sick, always makes me thankful that I am here.  Being able to see them off to school, being here when they get home and getting to kiss them goodnight every night is something I will always be grateful for too.

Visits from my Dad in my dreams.  Today, I was so drained and feeling completely overwhelmed.  After the boys left for school, I crawled back in bed and was asleep in seconds.  I met Dad on the bench again.  I wish I could find this bench in real life.  The past few dreams I have had with him, we sit on this bench and he knows just what I need to hear.  "Theres a light in you!" he says.  "A fire!  Even when you were little you would fight, whats changed?"  I'm tired of fighting.  I'm tired of always getting knocked down and always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I'm tired! I cried and then I woke up.  I tried to go back to sleep, back to the dream but just hearing his voice was enough to make me feel a little less tired. And a little more ready to fight.  He may not be on earth anymore, but he is always with me.  I am reminded how happy I am that in the end, we were friends and were able to make peace with each other.

With David working day and night, literally, I have had to take on almost everything here at home.  The dynamic in the house has changed.  And while we are getting used to the new routine, I miss him something terrible.  I am blessed to be able to say that I am married to my best friend.  And this whole only having one day a week with him sucks so hard.  I know it's not forever.  I know that he is doing it for us, I know it won't last forever.  I am beyond thankful to have a husband who works as hard as he does to make sure we have all that we need.  And I'm also thankful he hasn't run from this roadside circus that is our life. 

I'm happy that we were able to get our heater fixed.  Somehow our warranty wasn't completed and while we thought we had a 10 year warranty it was actually 5 and it expired in July. Y'all think I am joking when I say I have THE WORST LUCK! I'm not.  I had to replace the damn thing for the second time in 5 years.  I had to finance it.  David wasn't home and having to make big decisions isn't something I'm good at, but it's done.  We are warm and that makes me unbelievable happy.   

And there is more.
  • I'm happy for facetime with my sister and mom.  I needed those laughs so much. I'm thankful that despite everything, we all still find time to catch up at some point.  
  • I'm happy that there wasn't a monster outside of my house last night.  Y'all I was sure it was a something big.  It was actually just the breaker box door slamming against the house in all the wind.
  • I didn't get one single medical bill in the mail this week. I'm sure they are on their way but this week it was mostly junk and Christmas cards which made my heart happy!
  • Janet Evanovich!  She made me happy this week.  I have been reading her latest in between everything going on this weekend and being able to laugh and imagine someone with worse luck than me has been my saving grace this week.  Reading always makes me happy!
Mostly I am just happy this week is over.  Because it was a doozy for sure.  I'm happy that David is home all day tomorrow and we are going to hopefully find a way to finish up our Christmas shopping.  I thought my Christmas Spirit would have been burned out by now, but I'm gonna fan that fire like my life depends on it.  It doesn't really.  Presents may not be a plenty this year.  But if we are all together, warm and not sick, I will call it a win!

I hope that everyone had a great week!  I hope you all have an amazing weekend too.  Stay warm friends

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