February 14, 2018

Speaking of hearts...

I've been a little MIA the past few days, I know. And while I wasn't quite sure I was ready to share I have had a few people ask where I've been and messages here and there asking how my appointment went. So I figured a little update was due. I know not everyone is crazy about the day, but any day that celebrates love is good in my book!

Speaking of hearts...

Last Wednesday I finally got in to see the cardiologist. We talked about my chest pain, the fatigue, the dizziness and then we did the EKG.

Next thing I know, I'm looking into the doctors eyes and I remember thinking "this lady has the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen" Wait! Did she just say what I think she said?

"The EKG shows you have had a heart attack."

This is what I get for joking about it before my appointment. I swear. A little something to know about me. I am not a serious person. I crack jokes at the most inappropriate time and I laugh when I want to cry. And I sweat sarcasm. I tell myself I need to work on that but its just who I am. That doesn't mean I don't have my days. The day after my appointment when David and the boys had left I melted into a puddle of tears. I joke around but I know this is serious. I feel like my faith is being tested.

So next Wednesday I'm going back for an stress test and an echo to see just how bad and where the damage is. Once we get results back, we will figure out what's next.

And for now, I'm just hanging out. Relaxing. Resting. Being lazy and not feeling so guilty for it.
To be honest, there have been days where I'd have a cry few I my bathroom before waking up the boys because I was just so exhausted. I was coming home from walking to the bus stop down the road and having to catch my breath once I got home and closed the door behind me. But the transplant Drs told me if I just pushed through my fatigue it would get better. It only got worse.

We were made aware right from the beginning that there was a chance I could develop heart problems. But I was told my kidneys might be the next to go and for some reason, the thought of it being my kidneys didn't scare me as much as it being my heart does.

I mean, you only have one of those and it's pretty important.

At least now I know why I have been feeling the things I have been feeling. I know it wasn't all in my head. Having a reason has lifted some of the weight off my heart. I just still need to wrap my head around it all. I used to think that if my biggest problem in life was a bum liver, I should count myself blessed. But a broken heart feels like a bit much to carry too.

I'm so thankful to be blessed with a great circle of people. I'm not sure I would have been able to get through the appointment with out my Best B by my side. Grandma has been amazing. Talking to my big sister at the end of the day always makes me happy. And David, in true David fashion has been my anchor. Seriously I'd be lost as sea with out this man.

Also speaking of hearts, did you know February 14th is National Donor Day? A day designated to organ, eye, marrow, tissue, platelet and blood donors. As of 1:28 pm today there are 115,000 people waiting for a live saving transplant. I have been listed for a liver for 8 years now but because of the shortage of donors, I will have to get much sicker to move up on the list. So if you haven't already, register to be an organ donor. Talk with your family about your decision and encourage others to do the same.
Happy Love Day. I heart you all!

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