May 10, 2017

May Goals

After last month, I am in need of some serious life changes. I'm so out of sync with everything right now, it's scary. I need to "re-everything!" Re organize, Re focus, Realize and Review. May is going to be all about making all the changes I need to make in order to get right with the world.

Don't just exist

So I am giving myself three big goals for the month and a few small ones for the week. Baby steps y'all!


The big goal of this month is to be intentional in all that I do. I feel like I have been living life on autopilot. Not really engaging. Does that make sense? I did just enough to get by without feeling like I had completely given up. That's not me. I want to have purpose. Show love. Forgive. Explore more. Really connect with life. I want to start living each day to the fullest again. Instead wasting my time and waiting for the day to end. And I want to be graceful on the days I can't do anything at all. I want to love myself as much as I love others. Something proving hard for me to do. I just want to live. Today and all the days I am given.


If you know anything about me, you would know that when it comes to sleep, I fail. The running joke is that mostly I just nap. My fitbit sleep goal is at 6 hrs and I struggle to get that most days, with a nap. I have decided my sleep goal for May was not to go to sleep earlier, but to wake up an hour earlier. A week in and it's getting easier. I get to see David before he leaves for work. Win. I get to wake up and breath before the boys wake up. Today I managed to make up with my elliptical, eat, feed animals, make beds, do Anthony's laundry and dishes all before sitting down to write this. This might just be my best idea ever! It also might have been Davids idea. 


This morning I was asked if was OK. When I said that I was just hurting the reply I got back was "Ahh, one of your hurting days." Comments like this hurt even more than this stupid disease. Every day hurts. The pain isn't going anywhere and it's only going to get worse. But I have to take a deep breath and accept the fact that some people just don't understand. They don't mean to be hurtful. They really do mean it when they say they hope I get better soon. Even if they should know that I'm not going to.  Not yet anyways. Yesterday I spent 75% of the day in bed and today. Today I might have pushed it and I will pay for it tomorrow. This is my life. It's full of pain, struggle and judgment. Its is also full of happiness, hope and a crap ton of love. I can accept the bad with the good. I can accept the fact that I am sick and can literally feel my body getting weaker. I accept whatever this life has to throw at me and I will always get up and try again. Just some days I will need to lay down for a bit first!


Then there are the little things.  So many little things I need to work on this month and hopefully they will become habits -vs- goals.
  • Staying under the grocery budget. 
  • Menu planning a week ahead.
  • Read 2 decent (non fluff) books.
  • Wash, Dry & PUT AWAY laundry.
So pretty much this month, I want to be a better person.  Sounds about right to me.  May is a busy hectic month between birthdays, Mother's day and the end of school.  Plus this month marks my 7th year on the Liver Transplant List. That comes with its own little list of emotions. So there's that too.

Tell me: What are your goals for the month & how will you reach them?  

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