January 5, 2017

One word for 2017

We are 5 days into the new year.  Who made resolutions?  Or a you more of a one word for 2017 type?  I have always been bad at these things.  So last year I picked a word and some goals and I actually did pretty good, I think. 2016 was a hard year, but I made it though and I am excited about a clean slate.

This year it took me a few good weeks to settle on a word.  I started with 5 and narrowed it down to 2 words. And then going against all that I am, I chose myself.


I had a doctor once who asked me if I was depressed and I joked that I wasn't depressed I was just a mom. And he said, "So then you are depressed!?" (He wasn't saying all moms are depressed, he was talking about how I totally avoided answering the question that we both knew the answer to.) He went on and on about how he has seen so many moms, tell him that they aren't depressed that they are just overwhelmed and tired and stressed and just stretched too thin.  We give, give, give and take nothing for ourselves.  We worry about everyone else and take care of everyone else.  Then at the end of the day, we crash into bed and do it all over again the next day. It's so easy to completely lose yourself in your family.  And I think that's what I did. So was I depressed?  Yes. I am mom too. But I am also still me.  I miss me. 

Choosing the word self was not an easy decision.  Mostly because I always put myself on the backburner.  I deal with my emotions internally and more days than I like to admit, I run on autopilot. Those are the days that even though I feel completely wrecked, somehow I manage to get through the whole day.

So this year, I am choosing me. Im not sure how well its going to work out.  But Im going to try.  Thats a start right?  Two of the biggest things I need to work on are based on my health.  Or lack of.
  • Instead of taking my meds around everyones schedule, I will take them when I am supposed to and adjust my schedule around taking them. 
  • Cook foods that I can eat too.  Instead of stalling in the kitchen after serving dinner and hoping no one notices that I don't eat.  
There are a lot of little things that I would like to do too.  Things that we already do but I would love more of.
  • Time outdoors.  
  • Long hot baths. 
  • Visits to the library.
  • Writing.
  • Trips to the beach.
  • Solid sleep.
I don't know.  Seeing it written out it seems a little silly.  But that kind of thinking is probably how I got here in the first place.   A friend told me the other day that I could not fill the cups of others if my own cup was empty.  It makes sense, but its just hard for some reason.  
What are some of the ways you love yourself?   

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