February 2, 2016

Our Story of Loss, Life and Love.

Its February and there is going to be a lot of mushy words.  On friday we will be celebrating our 12th anniversary.  And then its right into Valentines Day.  Mushy.  You've been warned!  I don't share this kind of stuff very often.  Maybe I should. But first, lets go back a few years.  And then some.

If 18 years ago someone would have told me that a boy was going to walk into my life and put my pieces back together, I would have straight laughed in your face.  18 years ago, I might have knocked that person on their butt.  Or wanted to at least.  I was an angry girl. Then, in walked the boy.

It was no secret that I was head over heels for this kid.  Hell half the girls in the school were.  He would ask me to come visit him at work. And we would talk for hours. I remember one Valentines Day there was this love note in the school newspaper.  It was hilarious, because it was written to KS from DM.  And I knew there was NO way he put it in there.  It took him a few days before he brought it up and I laughed so hard. Poor guy.  The real love letters would come eventually.  I still have them all in a box.  But it would take a year of talking and one extra crazy party before it was official.

And we have been inseparable since.  17 years of talking every day.  17 years of knowing this poor sucker was stuck with me.  I knew it from the moment he walked into my 10th grade History class, that I was going to marry him.  Of course he required a little more convincing.

Looking back now, I am amazed we have come this far.  Been though as much as we have.  And still be so completely in love with each other.  We were babies when we left home.  And we jumped straight into playing house.  I learned that he was a neat freak and he found out the hard way that the reason my room was always so clean was because we had a maid.  Oops.  Turns out he liked something called boxed mashed potatoes and I had no idea they even existed.  He only listened to rap and I loved everything but. Clearly we were meant to be right?

We got married mostly because we didn't want to wait another year for his parents to come back and visit. Sure we wanted to get married but he promised his mom we wouldn't do it with out her.  And I had promised my older sister the same thing.  My mom secretly flew her out so she wouldn't miss it.  The next week, we got married. And a week later everyone left and we had actually done it.

When did I know he was the one?  The first time I told him I was pregnant.  Never once did I see doubt in his eyes. Instead he was all in.  Here I was praying my Dad wouldn't kill him and I could leave island before he found out.  And then there was David, going on about cribs and baby Jordans. But then I miscarried. And he sat with me in the hospital and told me that someday he was going to give me all the babies I ever wanted. That even though he thought I was crazy for wanting 6 kids, he promised he would do anything to give me the life I dreamed of and make me happy again. And in that moment, I knew, I was going to love this man for the rest of my life. Even if at the time we were only kids ourselves.

Marriage 365 

So how did we make it this far?  All jokes aside, we have really had to work at it.  We have been though everything life could possible throw our way.  Life, death, chronic illness.  You name it, there is a 99% chance we have faced it and come out stronger than before. Because he still wants to hold my hand. Because I tell him I love him every chance I get.  Because I still wait up for him to get home when he is working late, to serve him a warm meal.  And because after 17 years of loving me, and knowing me better than I know myself, he will still do anything to put a smile on my face.

There is no magic key. Marriage isn't one size fits all.  You cant just love someone and expect to stay married. You have to give with out expecting anything in return and let them spoil you every now and then. You have to stay up late and tell each other your deepest darkest fears and believe each other when you say that you will not let any of them come true. You are sharing a life with this person.  You will have to make sacrifices for each other.  You will have to give things up and learn some.  Do it with love and don't be bitter about it.  Another big thing that I see everywhere is talking trash about your spouse.  Sure, you might need to vent every now and then, but you can not go around bashing your partner, especially to shared friends and family. And for the love of God, leave it off social media.  Just saying.

Put your marriage at the top of your list.  This is where I lose people.  I know. I have had people tell me that they would rather be independent than have to depend their husbands and wives. But its a MARRIAGE! Two people, coming together as partners in life.  Its doesn't have to be traditional, but you cant do it by yourself.  You can still be your own person and do your own things, but you have whole other person in your life

But what about the children?  Don't get me wrong, I love my boys more than my own life.  And I'm not saying I don't put them first.  Id like the think that they are right up there on top, with David.  But you have to remember, if you pour all your life into your children and don't set aside the time to build up your marriage too, the day will come when your babies leave the nest, and you will have nothing to fall back on.  You cant just come back to your marriage 18 years down the road and say "OK now I'm ready to focus on us!"

Over the years, he has wiped away my tears.  Held me when I wanted to run.  Listened to my crazy dreams and supported me 100%.  He has the patience of a saint and a hard time telling me no.  And all these years later, he has kept his promise.

And that is how we got to where we are today.  That is our story.

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