June 16, 2015

Tears, Candy and Miracle Pills. Must be Monday!

Yesterday was probably the worst morning I've had all year. And considering I've had the flu, lost a dog and had so many bad days, that's saying a lot. Thankfully even though it started out in tears, I am surround by such amazing people who knew just what to do! I am blessed!

We were up at the crack of dawn. Boys were dropped off at Grandma's and David was taking me for yet another MRI. We actually got there on time and went through all the paperwork. Forms and questions that I have done a dozen times before. And then came the whammy. The receptionist calls me up to pay my portion of the bill. The new policy, that no one ever mentioned to me, is to have 20% of the cost paid before services. For me that meant I had to pay $713.00 right there. Excuse me?  Yes, that is what she looked me in the eyes and told me I needed to pay up. Maybe there are people who can do that but there was no way I could. So I asked if I could pay a portion and she said they could accept $400 and change. I walked out in tears.

Part of me was embarrassed. Because the farther I get into this disease the bills go up and my fins go down. I hate not being able to just pay everything right away.

Another part of me felt so completely failed. We pay almost 600 dollars a month for our insurance though Davids employer. I also have Medicare. And still I face this. I didn't do this to myself. I didn't ask to be sick. I just happened and on days like yesterday, I feel like I'm drowning. Deep into the darkest places. Consumed with the guilt of draining our bank account. Thinking they would be better off with out me. Wishing there was something I could do.

Thankfully I have a man who stands by my side. Who wipes away my tears and let's me scream and cry until I have nothing left. Who scoops me up and takes me to the movies so I have time to settle before we pick up the boys. Who tells me to reschedule and then goes home and finds a way to pay for that damn MRI. I will have to wait a little bit but he always finds a way.

When I got home I was greeted my a colorful gift bag at the door. We were so confused and thought maybe someone had dropped off a present at the wrong house. Filled with my most favorite candy and a card that said " Some days suck. When days suck, you can tell your friends and they will bring you candy!"

The Princess Bride Party
Later we had book club. We read The Princess Bride this month. And so we brought book inspired snacks. I took R.O.U.S on a stick. For those that don't know, those are rodents of unusual size. These giant rats gave me nightmares as a child. There were Miracle Max pills and lots of Peanuts. And Wine (grape juice) with Iocane powder! After we discussed the book, we watched the movie. The day with a happily ever after.

This morning I woke up determined to have a better day. The boys let us sleep in. We got some cleaning done before lunch and are going to go back to it in a few. There are games to be played and fun to be had. We are supposed to be getting some rain courtesy of Storm Bill too. Rain always helps wash the blues away!


  1. Oh Kim, dealing with the financial aspects of an illness seem to make everything worse. Sending hugs and prayers from Michigan!

    1. Thank You Eileen. It was a rough start to the week. Thankfully it ended on a much better note.

  2. Ah fuck, Hun... Sending much love, light and well wishes your way. xoxo

    1. Thanks Love! I try to remind myself that it could always be worse. I will have to push it back a few weeks and save up for it but it will be done!

  3. As much as it hurts to know there are others out there struggling too, I am glad to have company. If that makes sense Chronic Illness can be so lonely! I will email you soon today.