March 18, 2014

Bittersweet Birthdays

I woke up this morning with an incredibly heavy heart.  Today is Dads birthday.  And I want nothing more than to call him up and hear him laugh when I remind him how many times we celebrated his 50th birthday. A total of three years in a row until we finally got it right!  He went along with it.  Every year.

After breakfast there was a soft knock on the door.  I opened it to an older couple and immediately saw he was holding a bible.  He asked if he could speak to me about something and I knew what was coming.  I know many people don't answer or send them away, but I had to hear what he had to say. Today of all days.  He asked me " When you pray who do you talk to?"  To which I replied "My Father." He said most people reach out to Jesus Christ and I said "Oh I was talking about my dad!"  For a second I thought he was going to laugh at me.  And when he went on that he meant who in heaven I talk, with tears welling up in my eyes I said My Father.  Especially today.  The tears didn't stop.  He read to me and I stood, head down, tears hitting the floor.  He said he wanted to come back and I didn't have the words to say no.  It has been a rough morning.

One thing he said stuck with me though.  He is not gone.  He is just having a rest until you meet again. And you will.  Crazy because last night I shared this song on Facebook.

Its been real hard with out him here.  But I know he had been though so much and I know he was tired. I would give anything to have him back healthy but I find peace in knowing he is no longer in pain.  Even to this day before I make big decisions, I listen for his advice and wonder what he would say.  I hope that when he looks down on me that he is proud of me.  

Happy 50th (+15) Birthday Dad!  I miss you every day.  The boys miss you.  We talk about you often. Always loving.  Always loved.

Today will not be lost to sadness because it is also my Nephews Birthday!  I love you bunches Brady. There is always a positive!

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