April 9, 2013

Am I doing this right?? #HAWMC

Photo: HAWMC Day 9:

As a parent with health conditions or parent to a child(ren) with health conditions, what do you hope you’re doing right?

Patients, what advice or tips do you have for caregivers out there – professional or otherwise!

Day 9 (April 9) – Caregiving
As a parent with health conditions, what do you hope you’re doing right?

"Am I doing this right?"  I ask myself this at least once a day.  I second guess everything I do. From what I am feeding them to how I discipline them.  And I can only hope I am doing half of it right.

Parenting is hard enough as it is.  Parenting while living with a chronic illness is just exhausting. They say the best thing you can do for your family is to take care of yourself, but when is there ever time for a mom to take care of herself in the first place.  I don't know if there is one specific part of parenting I hope I am doing right.  Some days I feel like I am super mom and other days, I swear I am doing it all wrong.

There once was a time when I was the strict mom.  The mom who refused to let her kids have candy or even a drop of soda.  Who fed her kids perfect meals on time and who said her kids would not have electronic devices until they were at least 10.  Then I got sick.  I didn't have the energy to say no.  Meals don't always get on the table right on time.  And I will admit that my kids love their electronics far more than I would like them too.   But it all gives me a few extra minuets to rest or get things done.  Compromise right?

What about when it comes to explaining to the boys just how sick I am?  Yesterday at soccer practice, I started to feel a little faint.  And my very first thought was, How I was going to get to the restrooms in case they called an ambulance.  I don't want Anthony to see me get loaded up and taken away.  And especially not in public.  I had it all planned out.  I was going to ask on the the other parents to walk me over to the street and away from his view.  Could I really hide this from him?  I just didn't want to put him on the spot like that. These are the kinds of things that run though my head all day now.

I am suddenly feeling really guilty about so much. Should I have been as honest as I have been? It is hurting Anthony to know that I am sick, should I have shielded him from it all?  This is my the part that gets me the most.  The part that keeps me up at night.  I have answered almost all his questions with complete honesty.  He asked me to promise once that I wouldn't die and I changed the subject.  I would have for him to be angry at me if God forbid something went wrong and I didn't make it.  I want him to be aware of what is happening but I don't want him to worry any more than he already does.  I don't know if there is a right or wrong way to deal with this, but I know if there was, with my luck, I've got it all wrong.

Alexander is 4 now.  I have explained to him that he can not climb on me or that I cant carry him because I hurt, but he hasn't really questioned it.  He pretty much just expects me to suck it up and pick him up.  Hes quite the kid that boy.  But I know the day will come when he starts to ask questions and I don't know what I am going to do.  If I have messed one kid up I don't want to do it again.  But how do I keep him in the dark when everyone else already knows.  What am I going to do?  I have no idea, I just hope I do it right.

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