September 12, 2010

More positive & less negative..please

I haven't been writing much because honestly I haven't had much to say that doesn't make me sound like a depressed whining baby.  Well I should say I haven't posted, because I have 2 post written out that just sound lame now that I go back and read them.

Ive just been so down lately and I don't know why.  I mean besides the whole waiting for a new liver/fatigue/pain thing.  Ive been in touch with a case nurse from the insurance company who called to tell me that she thinks I need more than just a nurse calling me every now and then.  Not sure what that means, but she wanted to find a more suitable program for me.  Maybe they have a transplant program?  I don't know. She also asked me how I am coping, which obviously I'm not doing to good a job at!

There has just been so much going on every time I stop, I start thinking about the challenges I'm up against.  I now have 4 transplant buddies that have gotten their gifts already and as happy as I am for them, I truly am happy for you guys, I'm left wondering how much longer I will wait.  I'm reminded of all the things I am waiting for.  Not just my liver, but other things in life that I wont bother getting in to right now.  I'm trying to dig down deep and be grateful for all that I have.  I have been spending as much time possible with my guys.  But I think we are all feeling a little grumpy and just keep feeding off each others negativity.  I have to finds a way to stop this before we all end up crazy!

Now that I think about it, I think I will allow myself one day to vent to you all.  Hmmm now what day? I guess Ill figure that one out.  I know I need to be more positive.  I have to keep moving forward.  But sometimes it feels like every time I move forward a wave of crap comes and knocks me on my ass.  And I'm back to the being bummed and grumpy.  Sucks! Need to find me some positive vibes.  Got any?


  1. I think we all go through a period where we feel everything we write is negative. Don't beat yourself up.

  2. Amen! Do not feel bad... we all go through this before transplant. Just remember, God has the perfect liver for you!! Thinkin' and praying for ya!!