November 3, 2008

New news?

Monday is here at last. However..Dr A isn't in her office and Dr. M is out sick. I just want to scream. I know I'm no one famous or rich, but I wish I was. To have Drs. who call back and are always there when you call. OK waking up now...

Good news is I have an appt with the Hematologist on Thursday. So at least I got some kind of news today. I know Dr A is back in her office tomorrow and I will be calling as soon as I get up.

Today was rough. Its the first day I am really really tired. I got out of bed to eat lunch and dinner and go to the bathroom but that's about it. I love having a laptop:) Spirits are still high. I have been pretty positive though all of this so far, but its getting harder to smile and harder to tell myself everything is going to be ok. I have been reading anything I can find, and while most of it is the same thing over and over, its all bad. I found a blog from a lady who was diagnosed back in 2006 but she only wrote an intro and thats it. I can only imagine why she stopped. I was supposed to start my kick counts today. I felt them, just havnet written them down yet.

I dont know if there is a procees you have to follow to get through things like this. Im more angry than sad. I want to cry but feel like thats giving in. I feel guilty. But I cant show any of this. I refuse to let my kids see me sick. I have to put on a smile and pretend like everything is ok. I dont want people to worry over me, but I cant not tell them whats going on. So here I am writing it all down. I cant promise it will always be pretty and happy, but it will be me.

1 comment :

  1. Oh, sweetheart, I cannot even imagine how hard all of this is for you. All I can say is that I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and I will be praying like crazy for you and your entire family. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.