My safety blanket

There was a month last year that I had a Drs appt all but a few days out of the whole month. I remember telling myself that it would be better once I got on a more regular or monthly schedule. And now that I am, I am scared at the though.

At first it was weekly visits, then monthly. Now I am on 6 month visits with my GI, Transplant team and my PCP. I was seeing my Hematologist once or twice a month. But thanks to me opening my mouth and telling him about how I have all my check ups coming up, he decided to have me come back in 5 weeks instead of 4.

I know one might think I'm straight up crazy. I mean what is one more week right? But for some reason, It freaks me out. When I was in the middle of appts every week, I was drained and on broke. Its nice to have a breather between Doctors. And not spending $300 on copays each month is more than great. But I find myself afraid that something will happen in between my appointments and I will have no idea. If I were to run to the ER every time I have pain in my abdomen or chest, I would be there every other day. But what if, i do throw a clot and put it off. Then I have just screwed myself even more.

I tell myself that if something is truly wrong, I will know. But then I realize that Ive had the pain in my liver as long as I can remember, and always found an excuse for it. I guess its just one more thing I will have to get used to. Along with waiting for results, blood draws, meds and side effects. This is my life now. All I can do is make the best of it right?!?

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Not quite resolutions...

Last year was like a train wreck. This year, I will be putting everything back together. So instead of making a bunch of big resolutions, I figured I would write out {small} goals for the many parts of my life that need some love.

Me:

1. Take my meds, all of them, on time. And make sure I dont run out.

2. Get dressed every day in something other than my Pj's

3. Dust of my camera, take more pictures and even be in some!

4. Go to sleep earlier.  Or atleast try to!

5. Journal.  Blog.  Write.  I used to do this everyday.

The boys:

1. Spend more time playing together as a family, mostly outdoors

2. Get on a normal and regular sleep schedule. And in thier own beds:)

3. Eat healtier. They dont eat horrible, but it could be better

4. Make friends. We are a shy family.

My Marriage:

1. Get out more, alone. And not feel guilty about it.

2. Find time everyday to talk about what ever needs talking about

3. Be more patient with one another.

4. Loosen up and joke more. Laugh together!

I do have some bigger goal that Id like to reach this year too. This year I will learn how to drive. Yes people I do not drive. Nor do I really want to learn, but I have to. I will also find a way to help with finances. Afterall, even though I didnt ask to be sick, the bills are almost all mine!

And my dream goal of the year, is to get our own place. Somewhere all our own, where we can do what ever we want to do and the boys can just be free to be boys. Hey a girl can dream right :)

So there you go, my goals for the year. I think they are all for the most part pretty easy.

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