July 1, 2009

wedding vows

I was laying in bed the other night thinking about how much it sucks to be "sick". How much life changes and all the rules that come along with it. And then I though of my wedding vows.

When you get married you are so caught up in the fairytale of becoming husband and wife that you might forget the bigger picture. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

To have and to hold becomes having to deal with mood swings and crazy emotions. And to hold me when I am crying because I am beyond frustrated with everything.

For better or for worse. This one pretty much explains itself. There are good days and bad days.

For richer or poorer. This ones a killer. Gone are the days of impulse buying and gifts just because... and in are the days of feeling guilty because of the pile of medical bills sitting on the desk.

In sickness and in health. Being able to keep just a little bit of the way life was before you get sick is so hard. Rules change and you cant do half of the things you used to do together. No more having a few beers or you just don't have the energy to go out. Trying to find the balance between the two and not just being the sick wife is hard, but very essential to keeping life from falling apart.

To love and to cherish. Becomes having to prove that you still love me even though I am such a burden on the family. Its so easy to feel unloved and guilty, when you are the one who is sick. But being sick reminds you just how precious life really is and how much you should cherish all that you have.

And till death do us part. Another thing that hits you in the face. Death. Its very possible and you cant avoid it. I always felt like nothing would stop me. Then you start to think of what you would leave behind and if the people you love know just how much they mean to you. And what you would want your husband or wife to do after you are gone.

I have been so blessed in finding a man who lives up to these vows. The paths we have taken together havent always been easy ones. We have faced pain and sadness as well as life and happiness. But it has always been faced together. And for me that has made all the difference!

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