January 17, 2019

A bit of a Brain Dump.

I had planned on going to bed early today.  I had planned on having the kitchen all cleaned up and shut down for the night.  I had planned on taking a nice hot bath.  About that... 

What is it about Thursdays that always have me just done with it all?  Friday is so close I can taste it but the beginning of the week just took forever.  I am running on empty here.  My body is anyways.  My brain is going a mile a minute and I just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head.  So HAPPY THURSDAY!  Welcome to my brain dump.  Warning: There will be rambling.


You know how I have been talking about this 31 Day Declutter Challenge?  It has me all sorts of worked up.  Im currently ignoring the trash bag full of junk I took out of my nightstand.  Old birthday cards, half missing deck of cards, broken pens, all trashed.  But in it all, I also found thing like, letters, photos and all kinds of feelings. I never knew throwing away my shit could feel so amazing! Today I tossed my 2018 planner, just tossed it.  I mean, it is 2019 why do I need to hang on to it?  The old me would have been like well just tuck it away and deal with it in 10 years!  Tomorrow is supposed to be the Master Closet Day and I might have to wait for David to be home to do that, its mostly his stuff anyways.  But I told him, I kinda just want to go in there and just toss everything on my side.  It's not like I wear any of it.  Im a stay at home mom, who can't drive and hardly ever leaves the house all week.  I could survive off of a 5 piece mini wardrobe capsule.  Not counting my leggings!    

Ive learned a few things about myself along the way too.  Like, I suck at throwing things away.  Or, I did anyways!  I may or may not be a hoarder of notebooks and pencils.  I have more lighters than a person who doesn't even smoke could ever need.  If it's paper, I will fold it and keep it.  Like forever.  Ive also learned that I kinda love Instagram stories. Its like vlogging without the vlog!  Everyone else is probably like "OMG Kim enough already", but I don't get out much ok? And I love watching everyone elses stories too!

PAUSE!  
Y'all, a brain dump is starting to feel kind of like I am decluttering my mind.  I should do this more often!
UNPAUSE!

You know what else I love, the Chronic Illness Challenge I am doing on Instagram.  I have learned alot doing that too.  Like how much I love to talk to people who really understand what Im going though.  And how little some people know about me or any of my conditions.  I have also learned that people, ok some people, actually want to hear these things that I am sharing.  I have gotten a lot of messages saying "How did I not know?"  And Im here like, I don't know, didn't I tell you?

I have really enjoyed the conversations it has sparked and am reminded of exactly why I started to share my life and my story in the first place.  I have lost so much confidence in this little space I created and Id like to work my way back up to being proud of it.  And for it to serve its intended purpose.  Im getting right on that!

And for the sake of this being a brain dump, Im going to just empty the rest of these random thoughts out and call it a night.  Part of me wants to blame my Hepatic Encephalopathy, but Im also just a very random thinker/talker in real life!  Sorry guys!

So,

I know Im not the only parent who goes through their kids phones! Right?  But if Im not, are these parents cool with the way their kids talk and the things they send other kids?  I don't go though them every night, but I caught a certain teenager with his phone, well past bed time, so I figured Id see what he was looking at.  DUDE!  Id like to wash some of these kids mouths out with soap.  And thats saying a lot, because I don't necessarily sensor the boys.  Sure I tell them to be respectful and not be jerks but Im pretty sure some of these little boys have no idea the meaning of the memes and quotes they send each other.  Or maybe they do.  I don't know.  Makes me thankful for a kid who will ask me what things mean.  Even if it makes for super uncomfortable conversations at times!

Also, why in the world was I so unhappy with my body back in the day?  I was looking at pictures from years ago, high school even! And I finally understand why David hated when I was so negative of my body.  What the hell Kim?!  I should probably stop being so scared of having another heart attack and get back to working out.

Im super excited to get out and go to a birthday party this weekend.  It's for a friends daughters.  We grew up together.  Then didn't see each other for almost 17 years.  Now we live in the same town but only ever get together once a year or so. I really need to work on that too.  See why I picked growth for my word this year.  Ive got some growing to do!

One last thought for the day because, if I don't stop now, I will go on and on again! Do you remember Lambchop? I mean, when did I fall out of love with my camera?  My phone camera is awesome. And convenient, but I forgot how much I love my DSLR.  David got me a new lens and Im so excited to get out and shoot but why did I stop?  

And...Breathe!

Man it feels good to get that all out.  I guess I really should do it more often.  Sometimes I go back and read some of my first posts on here and miss the days when blogs were just writing about daily life.  Now everything has to be pinterest perfect and there has to be pictures and a lesson in it all.  Im not even going to find a photo to stick in this post.  1, because now that I cleared my head, Im getting sleepy and 2, because, I don't have to!

For a second, I was going to just delete this whole post.  But then I though, why the hell not.  Sometimes my brain gets a little crazy and I don't make sense.  Sometimes, I say things I probably shouldn't or I just go on and on about nothing.  Thats just me.  This is how my brain is currently working.  And yes, I did take my meds but clearly they are not working!  I should probably drink some water and hydrate.  See, now I Sound like a drunk person.  Making no sense and then trying to sober up with some water.  Im done!  Im gonna hit post and cross my fingers I can remember that I wrote this in the morning!  

Good night!  

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