January 4, 2013

An unexpected year

That pretty much sums 2012 up.  As much as I had hoped for a new year full of hope and happiness I find myself sad and empty.  The day before new years eve, I picked up the phone and dialed only to get a "no longer in service" message.  And then it all hit me.  Its been almost 6 months and it still is to hard to accept.  That scruffy voice will not answer.  There will be no talks of food and weather.  There will be no more discussions on parenting.  There will be no more comfort for my tears and worries.  He is gone.  

I kissed him good bye.  I watched my brothers carry his ashes and flag.  I sat and begged God to give him back to us as the priest told us he was in a better place.  Though tear filled eyes I watched as the soldiers unfolded and folded his flag.  I held my breath as they presented it to my mother who hesitated to take it from them.   I have cried and I cried and still I forget that his is not here with us anymore. 

My Dad was supposed to live forever.  He was strong and nothing could hurt him.  He had beat cancer once before.  I willed him to do it again.  But he got tired.  I know he fought long and hard.  I know this was a consequence of his love of smokes and whiskey.  But that call in the middle of the night... that was unexpected.  

January 4th Blog Dare: Changes I didn't expect in 2012

1 comment :

  1. I came by from the blog dare where I also linked up. I am so sorry for you and your familys loss.