April 12, 2012

Mirror Mirror

Day 12: Start with the sentence “This morning I looked in the mirror...” just write, don’t stop, don’t edit. Post

Well this is about to get interesting!  Hopefully it all makes sense, because Im just going to write and hit send.  Thats the challenge so here goes.

This morning I looked in there mirror and had to lean in closer to get a better look.   No yellow eyes!  Yay!  I stood there staring though.  Everyone always says I look exactly the same as I did when I was little.  Everyone also says that I look just like the rest of the Schilling kids.  While both are meant well, people must be blind.

My eyes.  This morning they are a bit puffy.  I was crying in my sleep.  Doesnt happen very often, but I guess you hold it it for so long and eventually it has to come out.  People say eyes are the window to the soul.  If so than my soul is tired.  These eyes have seen so much more than they should have.  They have seen hurt and pain. Hate and love.  These eyes used to be empty.  But now they are alive.  They are a little sunken in thanks to medication that dehydrates the hell out of me.  But they still shine.  Makes me smile to think that there is life in them again.  No matter how horrible things used to be, I have learned to see the good in life.  Its nice.

I ran my fingers over my lips.  Dry and chapped.  Mole is still there.  Why to I always have to bite the skin off them?  Gross.  Whatever.  No matter how dry, they still have the power to kiss even the biggest owies away.  Every morning a kiss goodbye, before my little man walks away to school.  Or the goodbye kisses before David drives off to work.  That man has amazing lips.... Next!

I stepped back and took a look at myself.  Yes, I cringed at my huge arms.  But they are perfect for hugging.  Nothing is as it used to be.  And thats ok with me.  My girls are hanging a little lower, but they also provided my baby with milk.  No washboard abs, but a scarred and saggy reminder that I grew two babies in there.  That is freaking awesome!    So what if I dont look like I used to.  Im not who I used to be.  Everything has changed.  And thats ok with me. 

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