December 2, 2010

What do I think?

So I had my visit with the psychiatrist on Tuesday. It actually went OK.  The very first thing he said to me was "I knew who you were the second I saw you!"  See, he works with my transplant clinic and goes to the meetings they have, so he had heard about me.  The young woman who was pregnant when she was diagnosed with Budd Chiari Syndrome and who had recently been put on the transplant list.  Yup that's me :)

What I wasn't aware of was how much he knew about transplants, liver failure and all that good stuff.  It was nice not having to explain my conditions and why I felt the way I do, because he knew it all already.  And I actually learned a few things.  Like why my coumadin dose is so high.  And we also talked about all the other things you would expect.  My family, where I grew up, the boys and so much more.  He said he could really tell that I miss home and its so true.  Ive been so homesick lately. 

One of the questions he asked me was if I though I was depressed.  I am seeing him because of Anxiety and "depression".  I told him that I  have been there before and this was not it.  I explained that I'm not depressed about what I'm going though I just think it really sucks. Plain and simple it just sucks.  The best part is, he agreed!  See I'm not crazy!  The longer I wait the more bad days I have.  But I know if I sit back and focus on how bad things are or are going to get, I'm not doing anyone any good.  I have so much to smile about, so much to be proud of and so much to do still in life.  So as sucky as it seems, I gotta just keep on smiling and doing what I'm doing. 

He told me that judging by the amount of Coumadin I am taking, my liver is having to work really hard.  And he explained to me how that means that things can go downhill in an instant.  That is why I should stay close by.  He gave me something to help me sleep at night.  I'm a little uneasy about talking anything, but after I clear it with all my Drs, I will give it a try.  Hes and I both have the same idea on where the anxiety is coming from.  His reccomentdation, to move out and get our own place.  Funny thing he mentioned it before I did, so I know its not just me!  Guess we better get on that!

Anyways, that's that.  I have a few other post I'm working on, but honestly they sound to depressing! I'm in search of a little inspiration.  The happy kind :)  Much love to you all! 
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  1. Thank you for posting this ... as someone who was born with a severe Heart Defect (I was born with a lot of malformations in my heart) I have always wondered about seeking therapy about my issues but your blog just proves to me it's okay to go to a therapist because I think I have anxiety for the same things ... and I will now search for one who is like yours, understanding and informed of my condition!! Thank you!!! You might have changed my life today!!!

  2. I was hesitant at first. I didnt want to be the girl who needs the shrink. And so for a while, I didnt bring up any of my anxiety issues to my dr. One day I realized, how could someone facing the things that I am, not need someone to talk to. Its so much to take on. I hope you find someone who can help. Just talking to someone took a weight off my chest. I hope it does for you too :) Do you have a Dr you can ask for a reccomentdation? As my 5 year old says..."Its OK to ask for help" HUGS!