June 7, 2010

H.E. scares me

I had my first H.E. scare today. And that's H.E. as is Hepatic Encephalopathy not HE as in David;)

It was like a movie that's starts in the middle of the time line. All of a sudden there I was pushing a grocery cart full of food through the crowded isle. There was a man walking beside me. I was trying hard to check him out through the corner of my eyes. I just remember thinking, God! Please let it be David! I didn't know what store I was in, wasn't sure if the cart was even mine. As soon as I realized it was David things fell back into place. I laughed and explained why I was walking fast and staring at him that way.

I laughed about it because I really didn't feel like busting into tears in the middle of HEB, but there was a lump in my throat the size of Texas. And now here I am at 2am feeling more afraid than ever. What if it had happened yesterday while we were at Walmart? The boys were on the other side of the store looking at sports stuff while I shopped. What if I don't remember David next time. What do I do if I can't snap back to reality and figure out where I am? Or if I wander off? I am feeling the lowest of lows right now. I feel like a child who needs on of those backpack leashes. I feel broken...

The good news is there was lots of good food in my cart:). Lots of low/no sodium goodies. Fruits, veggies and meats. The worst thing in the cart was the garlic bread. But I won't be eating any of that anyways. And I have all I need to cook up a batch of low sodium spaghetti sauce tomorrow! Score!

1 comment :

  1. I know it's tough momma! Hang in there... I do suggest you get a medicalert bracelet. The toughest thing for me now... is that I really can't drive anymore because I will be on a very familiar street and completely not realize where I am... I also had a bad one where I confused the brake pedal with the gas pedal (thank God it wasn't the other way around) Needless to say, my husband and I decided it just wasn't safe anymore even by myself. You ARE NOT BROKEN! Did you get your vitamins? Don't forget about the meat proteins either. Also, after a while, you learn how you feel when you are starting to experience an "episode" On those days, I usually have my mom come over and stay with me.
    Laugh or cry my buddy... that's all we can do. (And I really don't like the headaches crying gives me)