I know it's been a little quiet around here lately. I've kinda just popped in and dropped a post here and there. But it has been a challenging few weeks. Hell, a hard Summer actually. But as we come to the end of Summer break, I am trying my best not to have any regrets, especially over the things that I can not change. Which seems to be almost everything.
This summer I have had zero energy. I have been sick more than not. And I kinda just lost my fight. When people ask how I keep it together, I tell them that I have to push myself. When they ask me why I push myself, I say because if I don't Ill fall apart. Told you so. I have pretty much hit rock bottom when it comes to the will to stay healthy. And by healthy I mean as far as my illnesses go.
So here is the problem. Energy...still at a zero. To do list...a mile long. What is a sick girl to do. Well first I am going to buy some big girl underwear. Then I'm going to get to work. That was the plan on Monday anyways.
Monday, Chico went back to the Dr. Just for vaccines, for now. He was recently diagnosed with a perineal hernia. Because of his age and his anesthesia complications, we are not able to do the surgery to repair it. So we are loving him extra hard for as long as we can. And we will have to say goodbye when it gets to be to much for him. Our hearts are broken, but his life has been full of adventure. When we got him we were still just teens, right out of high school. He has been there to watch over both boys as they were babies and he and Poncho are the best of friends. Life will never be the same when he is gone.
Tuesday, I woke up in a serious panic. The right side of my face was numb. my arms and legs were tingling. First I called the transplant clinic, because they always say to call them if there is every anything I need. By 1pm it was a little better and I had errands to run, so I did. When I got home and still hadn't heard from the clinic, I called my hematologist and got a call back shortly. She said if it got worse to go to the ER but if not to come in the morning and get my labs done.
Wednesday morning she sent me to admitting to get my labs done right away. After wards I went up to do labs for the transplant clinic. Even if they hadn't called me back yet. Rude. But I need to keep them updated so they can calculate my MELD score and keep me on the transplant list. Went back down to my Drs office, both arms wrapped up. She took one look at me and sent me on my merry way...to the emergency room. Where I spent the next 7 hours getting every test in the book and never getting into a room. It was nuts.
Today, I got my morning dog sitting duties done and got dinner in the crock pot. I need to clean up the kitchen, call in an appointment to neurologist and then I'm gonna take a nap. I'm tired. Just mentally and physically drained. My liver is angry because I thought I could have a few bites of pork. Silly me. Meat is for everyone else but me! Lame.
The good news in this all is that after Xrays, CT scans, and ultrasounds there are no new clots. Blood work shows everything is as good as can be. Even my liver function tests were better than usual. So even though the week kinda just sucked all around, It was a win in my book.
My mom would probably get mad at me for joking but this is what I told myself. It's not about having a sick sense of humor. Well I have that too, but this is life with a chronic illness. One day you are good, the next day you are grumbling your way through the hospital to the ER. Said things under your breath like "doctors aren't the boss of me!" and "ER! Ain't nobody got time for that!" I walked there like a kid who had just got grounded.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend. Do something amazing and then come back and tell me all about it so I can live vicariously through you for a minute! Next week will be better!