September 19, 2014

What makes me so special?

I wish you all could have seen the light in his eyes when he told me that he was chosen to be student of the week.  This is a kid who always gives 100% in school.  One who wakes up every morning (usually before his alarm) and is excited to go.  He struggles, yes.  He has been bullied.  But it doesn't stop him one bit from going back each day with a smile.

Homework is done as soon as we get home, so we laid everything out like usual and started going over his student of the week poster.  Name up top.  A story about something big that happened in his life, which he chose when we added Poncho to the family.  There was a questionnaire about his favorite things.  And then it asked who his hero was. And with out skipping a beat he said " You are my hero."

At first I didn't think I was hearing him right.  Me?  Lately we have been driving each other crazy. I've been yelling like a mad man and he has been full of attitude and anger.  Me?  Really?  What makes me a hero?  I asked him if maybe he would want to choose his grandpa or uncle who is in the military. I'm no hero.  I wasn't looking for validation or anything but I wondered why he would pick me. And he gave me reason after reason.  Until he was hugging me tightly and telling me that he loved me.  Its not very often he is so loving, so you had better believe I wrapped him up in my arms and held him for a minute. Or three.


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I've never been any ones hero before.  But hearing him name off things that I do that make him think I am one, made my whole week.  He would write and erase.  Start over again.  When I asked him why he said, "There isn't enough room for me to say it all, but at least I can just tell you how special you are!" The very last sentence says " She's also on the liver transplant list. For 5 years now. And not even that stops her from loving us the way she does."

I don't know if he has any idea, but he made my heart so happy.  Most days I feel like I'm a train wreck and that I have failed this whole mom thing.  But knowing that despite all our arguments and eye rolling, Oh God the eye rolling, he still knows that I love him and would do anything for him and his brother.  That makes all the worry disappear, even if just for a few hours. My guys are my everything. No matter how tired or how bad I hurt, they will always come first!  Always.  I still don't think that makes me a hero.  Just a mom!


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