May 8, 2011

Love, Mom

Dear Anthony and Alexander,

Today is Mothers Day. It's supposed to be a day to celebrate me, but I'd more rather celebrate you. Because being your mom is what makes me special. It's what I live for, its what keeps me strong and it is the most awesome job in the whole entire world.

Anthony, five years ago I remember waking up with a smile. You were still in my belly. I could not wait to meet you. I made you a promise that I would love you forever. That I was going to be the best mom I could be and that I would always be there for you if you needed anything. I know I haven't always kept my promise. Being your mom is most definitely a challenge, but it's one I will always keep fighting. You get your indecisiveness from me. We never know what we want. You also get your stubbornness from me too. Yeah, sorry about that. Just like in our favorite book, I will always love you. Always. I promise. I like to look back at pictures and videos of you when you were little and I am blown away at the boy you are today. You are kind and loving. And you kinda love to push it, but that fire inside of you is what makes you, you. Never give up on anything you want. I am always telling you to keep trying. You can do anything you put your mind to. The other day you asked me what I wanted you to be when you grow up and I told you it was up to you. Whatever you choose to do, you will be great! I love you more than words could ever explain. I hope someday you understand that.

Alexander, if there could only be one word to explain you, if would be hope. When I found out you were growing inside of me I was so happy I cried. I had given up hope of having another baby or a sibling for your big brother. The day we found out you were a healthy baby boy, we also found out that Momma was very sick. I remember being so afraid. I didn't want anything to happen to either one of us. I wanted to have many more years with you but nothing is promised in life. I remember feeling so alone and sad. One night I was praying to God for more time. I prayed that he kept you safe. And kept me safe. I prayed that if it was my time to go, he could give me just a little more time with you, your brother and Daddy. All that day you were so active in my belly, but when I was done praying you calmed down. And I knew everything was going to be ok. You gave me my hope back. I don't know how I can ever make that up to you. But I will never stop trying! You are such a sweet little boy. You know what you want. And you also know that a flash of your perfect smile can get you almost anything you want. Your eyes do most of the talking for you. You have such expressive eyes. I'm looking forward to watching you become your own person. While I hope you learn a few things from me in life, I have already learn so much from you. Thank you Alex for giving me hope! I will love you always!

Boys, I want you both to know that you guys are the most important things to me. Everything I do, is for you. Every breath I breath is for you. Family is the most important thing we have. Always remember that. You two won't always agree, and there are bound to be some differences, but that's ok. At the end of the day you guys are brothers. Cherish that. Always be there for eachother. Protect one another. Never let pride get between the love. Always see the good in eachother. Live life to the fullest, and each day as its the last. Believe in miracles. I did, and now I have you! I am so blessed to be you your mom. Thank you for giving me a reason to celebrate, not only today, but everyday! And remember, I'll always love you!

Love,
Mom

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5 comments:

  1. Awe Kim that is so touching and special. And awesome that the boys will get to read it when they are older! I hope all is well!
    Kasaundra

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  2. Such a really really lovely blog! Thanks for writing it and sharing. You're so right that family is the most importnat thing. Praying for your health!

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  3. Here I go bawling again on a Friday night :) Love you Mama & all that you are.

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  4. I found your blog through the American Liver Foundation page on Facebook. Some had suggested it on there. I have heard of your liver disease before, but didn't really know what caused the liver damage until reading your blog. I have Autoimmune Hepatitis with Primary Biliary Cirrhosis overlap. I have had it going on almost 13 yrs. Its a slow progressing disease with no cure.
    I am inspired by your love of life though going through what you are. Plus being on the transplant for so long.
    I also started a blog last year to try and inform people of the disease..since there isn't much out there about it. And also to try encourage others who may going through the same thing.

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  5. This is awesome! I always get teary eyed when I read your blogs Kimmy! Alex and Anthony have a Hall of Fame Mom that's for sure!

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