August 18, 2015

Do I tell the teacher I am sick?

Every year around back to school time, my anxiety rises and I worry myself sick with this one problem.

Do I tell my kids teacher I am sick?

Why should I?

Why not?

If I don't tell them and my boys do, is that better?

Or worse?

Do they really need to know?

I almost get embarrassed bringing it up. I don't look sick, and my mind automatically thinks they don't believe me or judge me. If I don't tell them we could go the whole year with out them knowing!  But what if something happens?

My 10 year old is my worrier.  In Kinder he came home and told me that he was sad and said "I told Coach my mom might die!"  So I called coach aside one day and explained.  Except he said Ant never said a thing!  And I felt like an idiot!  I don't know why.  On days that I had appointments he acts out in class.  He has always gotten green for behavior, except for 2 days last year.  One when I was in the hospital and one when I was really sick.  My life is affecting him and I'm not sure how I really feel about that.

My baby was so upset that I didn't sign up to be his class mom.  There was just no way.  I'm hoping this year I will be able to be more present.  That is the plan anyways.  After the first few months of dropping him off ended in tears and then finding out that they were all because he didn't want to leave me home alone, I had to explain to his teacher.  He said he was worried something would happen and no one would be home with me. And I felt like I was hiding something from her.

I am going to talk to Anthony tomorrow and ask what he wants me to do.  I figure if its his teacher, he should have a say in it.  Alex I know won't mind either way, he just wants summer to last another 9 months! But if I know it is going to effect their school life, I should at least give their teacher a heads up right?

But I'm so torn.  Part of me feels being upfront and open about it kind of gets that talk out of the way. When you tell someone that you are on the list for a new liver, the reaction is almost all the same.  First the shock, and then the pity. Then comes the "But you don't look sick!" Thankfully the ladies in the front office are great.  They all know whats going on.  And they are great with my boys. The teachers have all been great too. So I don't know why I worry so much.

I did not do this to myself.  I should not be ashamed.  And I can't do this by myself so I should be upfront about it so that asking for help isn't out of the blue.  Having the boys in school takes so much of the burden off of me. Every day I try to smile though my pain and push though my fatigue.  When they are at school I can let my guard down.  I can be sick and not feel guilty.

There is a 50% chance I will go in on meet the teacher night and leave without saying a thing.  I could always email, but face to face seems more adulty.  I don't know what to do?  This gets harder every year.  What do I do?

-XOXO Kim


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