The new King of Crash!

When my oldest started walking, he started falling.  And soon after was dubbed the King of Crash.  Skinned knees and even a chipped tooth.  I was so close to making him wear a helmet every day.  He was not afraid to climb or jump.  But he was also cautious.  Just accident prone.  Is that possible?

Then along came Alexander.  Last Monday he tripped on the basketball court and scraped up his elbow.  Thursday he bit almost completely though his lip and Sunday he caught his legs under the teeter totter.  Well that last one was mostly because the original King decided to jump off while the little one was still way in the air.  That blood curdling scream and the pain in your stomach when you see your baby crying.  He is scraped and bruised from the lip down!  I just want one blood and tear free week. But I think that might be a little to much to ask for with these boys.

I can hear my dad telling me, "boys will be boys".  But these two will have my hair gray by the summer at the rate they are going!  Is there some sort of bubble wrap suit out there that I can buy?  Id be willing to pay top dollar for it.  Am I the only one with such accident prone kids? It can't get worse than this can it?  Oh please say no! I told David that if I take Alex in for one more accident they are going to start looking at my funny.  Go figure, I make a point to get my kids outdoors and more active and I wind up getting accused of something! Now that would be just MY luck.  

My boys are happy and healthy but very rough and tough little Kings of Crash!  

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Missing You

They said it was going to get easier.  That missing you was going to hurt less with time.  They lied. Or maybe it just hasn't been long enough.  Although it feels like years since I last heard your voice.  The last time I told you that I loved you and you said you would see me soon.

Not a day goes by that I don't have the urge to pick up the phone and share something with you. You were always so amused by the things I told you.  Only you seemed to understand my excitement over Alexander saying something clearly or Anthony asking me the plainest of questions.  Only you would talk to me for an hour about so many things.  The weather.  Dinner. Even when you were sick, when you laughed I could picture how your eyes scrunched up and you pulled at your beard.  Your laugh made me laugh.  And now its gone.  

That girl that yelled and fought with you all those years ago was just a little girl who wanted her fathers attention.  I wanted you to see me.  To know me.  I wanted you to be proud.  I wanted you hug me tightly and tell me everything was going to be OK   It wasn't until I left home that it happened but they did. That is all I ever wanted.    

When I told you David and I were going to get married you told me that you were so proud and happy for me.  You said I would always be your little girl, no matter what.  You wished me love and life.  When I called to tell you that I was pregnant again you were so happy.  I'm sure you were disappointed that we didn't name him Bruce, but every time you held Anthony, he was calm.  Alexander, the same thing. I wish I knew how you did it. Wish you were here to do it still.

You were the first person I called when I was diagnosed.  The room was spinning and I was on the verge of tears.  In your calm but grisly voice you said "OK, well now we know what we are dealing with"  You researched and tried to find more information for me.  You helped me with my diet and always encouraged me to take better care of myself.  And when we found out that it was genetic, and that I had inherited it from you I know it crushed you.  And I know you also found peace in knowing that I am yours.  You are mine.  I am glad that that was settled.  

Anthony and Grandpa 2005

Just the other night, Anthony asked me for another hug before bedtime.  And as I held him tight in my arms, he whispered "I miss Grandpa Jim too"  He said you were a good memory to him.  I didn't want to let go.  I wanted to hug his so tight that he might feel as if you were there hugging him too.  I miss your hugs.  Even if your beard would tickle my cheek.  I miss the certainty of your voice when you said we would figure it all out.  I would give anything just to hear you say that again.  You always knew what to say.  

Tonight I'm sitting here.  The boys are asleep and David is once again working a long shift. I'm lonely.  Sad.  I know that there are going to be some changes soon in life and I'm not sure if I'm even ready for them.  I'm just a girl, who wants nothing more than to hear her Dad tell her that its going to be OK   That its going to be for the better.  That I'm making the right choices. There was so many things left for us to do.  So many things you wanted to do, so many places you still wanted us to see.  I listened.  I remember.  And I promise that I won't let them go undone.  

I miss you more than anything.  I'm afraid to go to sleep because I often see you in my dreams. In one you were just watching us play from afar but I saw you thought the crowded park.  I know you could hear the boys laughing.  You waved and then you were gone.  I'm afraid to wake up because I know I you are not here anymore.  Its like having to say goodbye to you all over again.  

Everyone says its going to get easier.  They lied.

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Whats a girl gotta do for a run around here?!

This year I committed to getting healthy.  And I admitted to my commitment issues.  January I spent a lot of time thinking it all out.  What I needed to do.  What I wanted to do.  How committed I could be and how to keep my commitments.  Wow, that's a lot of C words for someone with issues. So this month I decided to get my butt in gear.

I started counting my calories again.  And I also started walking/running again. I downloaded the C25K app and started on the 1st of the month.  Two weeks in, no budge on the scale, but I was feeling great!  My stress and anxiety were at an all time low.  I was calmer and less snappy.  Just all around better.

Week one was pretty smooth.  Run one minuet and walk one and a half.  Week 2 was harder, but manageable.  I had figured out my breathing.  The hardest part was trying to figure out how fast or slow to go.  Of course being on a treadmill in the garage isn't ideal, but I'm not comfortable yet with running in public.  On the last day of week 2 I slowed down my run and sped up my walk a little bit.  I also find that running on an incline is less awkward.

I noticed some pain in my ankle on the first day of week two but figured it was just because I was finally using them again!  That day, after my timed run was over, I decided to stop.  The past few runs I kept going a mile or 2 more.  I took a rest day. The second day of week 2 was hard.  Then came day 3.  Half way though the run, I called David, yes on the phone, from the garage.  I figured if I stopped to switch shoes, I wouldn't come back out and finish it.  So he brought out my other pair of sneakers out, I switched shoes and jumped back on.  By the time I was finished, I could not put my foot flat.  What the heck did I do!

Now its been 5 days of no running and I am dying here.  I'm angry and upset.  I still cant walk with my foot flat.  I have been putting my weight on the outer part of my foot.  And of course that has me hurting clear up to my knee.  I've stretched and rubbed. Heated and cooled.  I'm trying to think back if I have ever had this problem.  Bad knees, yes, but never my ankle.  Great...

No running and only light walking and the pain is still there.  I did run a little bit at the park yesterday but stopped when I realized I was running on the side of my foot.  Better not make things worse right?!  I think it might be because of my flat feet and my need of proper running shoes.  The shoe problem I can fix, but there isn't much I can do about my feet.  But I will be back at it again soon.  Even if I have to start this program all over again.  I will.  Because running has been better than any medication I have been given to help me sleep and calm my anxiety.  And its cheaper than therapy.  But mostly because I really enjoy it.

Someone told me that maybe I'm just not meant to be a runner.  I think I'm meant to be what ever I want to be.  So even if I have to take another week off, I will get better and keep on trucking.  I may not be as fast as you.  And I'm sure as heck not going as far as you, but I do what I can and that is enough for me.

Have any of you done the C25K?  Did you finish it?  What was your hardest week?  I was nervous about week three, but now I am super excited for it.

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Menu Plan Monday February 18-22

How did I make it though the week and still have two recipes carry over to this week?  I think it was because David worked nights twice last week and when he works nights, the boys and I kind of just eat whatever is left in the fridge.  Oh and then there was Friday!  I had planned on making the new beef and broccoli recipe, but I forgot all about Lent!  So we had tuna melts instead.  So there was that too,

This week I am keeping it pretty simple. 

Monday - Still not sure.  I really want to BBQ because it is just beautiful outside.  But if not I will make the Garlic Chicken with mashed and green beans.

Tuesday - Enchiladas, rice, beans and salad.

Wednesday - Pork Sandwiches and salad.

Thursday - Slow Cooker Beef and Broccoli over rice.

Friday - Dads Panko fish, mac and cheese and green beans.

Now its time to go and enjoy the day with the family.  Hopefully I can convince them to get out and do something fun!  Happy Presidents Day everyone!  Much love.

Don't forget to stop over Menu Plan Monday hosted by I'm an Organizing Junkie and see what others are cooking up this week!  What is on your menu??

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It's not just Valentines Day...

Today is February 14th.  Valentines Day.  The love going around today is amazing.  Flowers, Chocolates, and Candy are being given to wives and girlfriends.  Ladies, Did you do something special for the man in your life?  Kids handed out valentines at school.  Moms made heart shaped pancakes for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch.  Little love notes and surprises for all.  What is not to love about today.

But did you know that today is also National Organ Donor Day.  Oh, you didn't?  Well guess what, now you do!  Your Welcome!  

Tonight there are more than 117,167 people listed for a new organ.  And 15,770 of them are waiting for a liver.  I am one of them.  There are mothers and fathers, sons and daughters all just waiting.  Praying that someone had it in their heart to register as an organ donor.  That someone will have enough love in their heart to give them the gift of life. 

When I was first diagnosed, the first thing most of my family said was that they wanted to be tested as a match to be my donor.  I have had people I met through twitter or FB ask me if I would accept them as a donor if they were a match. And I even had one man leave me a blog comment, offering me a portion of his liver.  These people have so much love in their hearts that they are willing to save my life.  Well except for that man who continued on about a considerable fee. That was just awkward.  

So now that you are coming down off your sugar high, your flowers are placed in a pretty vase and hopefully your children are not to wound up to go to bed.  Take a minuet to thank an organ donor.  Or to say a prayer for all of us still waiting. 

And please, if you haven't already registered as an organ donor with your state, do!  If you are, Thank You!  You could be someones greatest hero.  You can save a life. Actually you can save more than one.  If you have any questions about how to sign up, let me know and I will do all that I can to help you out.

Happy Valentines Day.  Happy Organ Donor Day. 

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Menu Plan Monday 2/11/13

Ever get half way though the week and realize you need that one thing to finish dinner.  Yes that one thing that you forgot to get.  This happens to me all to often.  The only problem is that I can't just run to the store and get it.  I can't drive.  Yes I could ask a neighbor or my in laws  but I try to keep the favors to a minimum. Each week I collect ideas for dinner and on the weekends (usually) I write out my shopping list.  Check and double check before we go to the store.  

Cooking is something I have always loved to do.  Thanks to a father who was an amazing cook.  We ate good in our house.   When I wanted mac and cheese from the blue box like my friends had, he would come home with what ever kinds of cheese they had at the only store on the island and make me the best mac and cheese a kid could ask for. I would pout about it until I tasted it.  I really loved that he loved cooking for us and I hope to do that for my boys. 

To be honest I have kind of fallen into a pretty small rotation of meals.  And it is getting kind of boring.  My transplant team has asked that I keep my diet low sodium.  My hematologist has asked that I limit my vitamin K or keep it at the exact amount daily so I don't throw off my medication.  And I have been really bad about following them.  Mostly what I need is a variety.  I think I am going to make it a rule that every week must have 2 new recipes.  And I am going to be better at sticking to my doctors recommendations too.  Ive done it before, I just need to find a way to merge that all into meals the whole family can enjoy.

So to hold myself accountable, I have decided to join The Organizing Junkie and her Menu Plan Mondays.  Now remember that I have commitment issues so I will try my best to share each Monday.  I might be a day late or skip a week.  I'm only human.  But I hope this will become a regular here for me.  So lets kick it off with this weeks dinners.

Monday- Tonight I think we will be our clean out the fridge day.  There is leftover pizza and salad and chicken.  David still isn't feeling well so we are going to the Dr.  So if we get home later than expected I'm glad to know dinner is taken care of already.

Tuesday - 2 Bean Chicken from The Gracious Pantry.  All I needed to see was this picture and it was decided, I'm so making this.  Looks good right?!  

Wednesday - Its Ash Wednesday.  Keeping it easy with a tuna casserole and salads.

Thursday - Herb Crusted Pork Chops with vegetable-tian and brown rice.

Friday - Garlic Chicken with mashed potatoes and carrots. 

Saturday - Im going to try Crock Pot Beef and Broccoli served over white or fried rice.  Not sure yet.

So there is what will be cooking up over here.  For more recipes and to check out more menus stop by I'm an Organizing Junkie.   What is on your menu?

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9 years down

Today is our 9th wedding anniversary.  Although there wasn't much of a wedding.  It was a very last minuet kind of thing.  Not that we were rushing, but it was then or we would have to wait another year.

Davids parents had come out to FL to visit.  It was the end of January and we decided to escape the busy rainy Disney scene and head down to the Keys.  It was still cool but beautiful down there.  We had just stopped to have some dinner at a Pizza Hut and while we were sitting we were talking about my engagement ring.  Davids mom promptly pointed out that under no circumstances were we allowed to get married with out her.  So when they asked when the date was, David joked that we would do it before they left if they really wanted to be there! Except, he wasn't really joking.

A week and a few tan lines later, we drove to the courthouse and got our marriage licence. A few days later we were husband and wife.

My mother had secretly flown my oldest sister down from Massachusetts.  She had always said I couldn't get married with out her.  I didn't realize she was so serious until I went to pick up my Mom and she was hiding behind the door!  Best surprise ever.  She brought with her something new and blue.  My garter.  Don't you know we got to the court house and realized we had no rings.  Que the In Laws with the "old and borrowed".  Their rings fit us perfectly.

It wasn't until years later when someone asked me about silver in my shoe.  I guess its supposed to bring wealth and financial security.  That explains a lot!  I may be poor in money but I am beyond rich in love.

I can not imagine a life with out David.  He is my rock. Keeping me grounded.  He is my glue. Holding me together.  He is my heart. Filling me with love.  He supports my dreams and our family.  He provides and keep us safe.  He is not one to argue or pick a fight.  He is calm and collected with our boys.  And he always knows just what to say to and what not to say to make me feel better.  And he can deal with my sarcasm and attitude.  We are two complete opposites who somehow fount a way to make it work.

The view from way up there is amazing!

David took a few days off and we went out to dinner last night.  It was our first time at the Chart House but it will not be our last.  Holy Caesar Salad.  And my steak was perfect too.  Next time I will have to force myself to try something new.  We got a window seat and it was so neat to watch the city spin by from so high.  Afterwards we took a little walk before heading home.  Truth is, we have never made a really big deal of our anniversary.  Every now and then I get a card or flowers, but this year was the first year we went out to eat.  It was nice.  Next year, I am requesting a hotel room, with big fluffy pillows and a cold comforter.  Then I will sleep for 24 hours straight!  Now that sounds perfect.

Question time!  How do you celebrate your anniversary?  What is the most romantic or unromantic thing you or your spouse have done?

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