Now Reading: Despite Lupus

 I recently started a new book and its nothing like I have ever read before.  I first heard of the book though the 12-12-12 project my girl Marissa started.  The author Sara Gorman, was featured in May.  Her condition: Systemic Lupus.  I had heard of lupus before.  Back in 2004, one of my Drs had though that I might have it.  I don't.   But when Marissa suggested it, I wondered how it could relate to me?  After all, I don't have lupus.  The tagline of the book:  How to live well with a chronic illness.  Now that I can relate to.  That I need to figure out!  After months of putting it off, guess what popped up at the library for me.  This book!

Ive only gotten through the first so many pages and have written down so many quotes and started to write down my "list".  That is another post on its own.  I may not have be on the same team as her, but the rules are the same.  Its not, sick or not sick.  I'm allowed good days and bad.  I've always known that the things I do today will determine my tomorrow.  But somehow seeing and reading about someone else struggling and still coming out on top gives me such hope.  I didn't realize how much hope I have lost over this hopeless summer.  But I'm on my way back up.  Thank You Sara and Marissa for helping me find my way again.  

Oh! Remember this post about my super cool Pillfold.  Guess who is the brains behind them?  The very same Sara Gorman that wrote this book!  

Stop by Abledis and catch up with Marissa and the 12-12-12 Project  HERE.

And don't forget to visit Sara HERE to learn more about her book and pillfolds!!

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Hello 2nd Grade!

Of all the emotions I am feeling over this day, this school year, I'm going to go with Anthony and choose Confident.  This school year is going to be one to remember.  And I hope I'm not jinxing myself now that I typed it.   I can't wait to see all the fun and adventure it will bring.

Ant had a hard time falling asleep last night.  And when I got up this morning, he was camping out on my floor...wide awake...at 5:30am!  It worked out well though.  We had lots of time to go over the class and school rules.  He had time to get all his sillies out.  And to have some breakfast, get dressed, washed up and still some time to watch some cartoons.  And I had time to get dressed and finish packing up his bag.  The morning was smooth and the cherry on top was David driving us this morning.  Even Alex was up to come along.


The day flew by though.  I managed to get some photos uploaded and saved.  A few loads of laundry done. Read some books with Alex.  Played some Tick Tac Toe, he won.  And had a nice quiet lunch just the two of us.  And now its time to get ready and head out to the bus stop to pick Anthony up.  Lets pray we don't repeat last years first day.  The one where he wasn't on the bus!!!  Fingers crossed...

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Feeling...

Why is it that the one time I am really looking forward to Clinic they cancel my appointment.  I called to reschedule but I couldn't get in for another month.  I guess there is a new Dr and they dropped some of the appointments to make the day run smoother.  Um, not to be dramatic and all, but what about me!  That doesn't make my life any easier.

One of the few reasons I was looking forward to it was because David was going to go with me.  He only gets to go once a year, and the last time he went, the nurse said she was relieved to see him.  Apparently because he hadn't been coming with me, they were worried we had divorced.  Nope, he was just busting butt to pay my bills!  I think he was a little hurt by the comment.  Because he not only took 1 day off he took 3. And he most likely won't be able to get off next month. 

One of my biggest problems I have been having is weakness and pins and needles in my hands.  I can't even count how many things I have dropped because I just couldn't hold on tight enough.  I have also avoided lots of tying because my hands cramp.  (I've stopped twice so far this post).  And my knees and back.  I feel like I am 90 some days.  

I have lost my appetite, but not any weight.  I eat when I know I'm supposed to but some days I just forget, because I don't think about it.  And I've been nauseous all day, so that isn't helping any!  The day before yesterday I was dry heaving so much that I am pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my back. Yesterday I reminded myself to eat and I had a grilled cheese.  And that stayed down.  But then David and I went out to eat with some co-workers of his.  And I feel bad because my 25$ steak didn't even stay down for 25 minuets.  TMI!?  I'm so glad I am a quiet thrower upper.  That's a word right?

Just more stuff to go down in my little notebook.  I know there is something else, but now I cant remember what it was.  I feel sorry for the doctor I will unload this all on.  OK not really.  After all that is what they get paid the big bucks for right?  Hopefully when I do go in, I will get my favorite Dr!  While he admits that some of the other doctors have more experience than he does, he is the only one who will stay seated until I have asked him every question in my little purple journal.  And that's what makes me feel better!

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Ready. Set. School!

Its that time again.  Back to school.  Back to schedules, routines, homework,and early bedtimes.  Back to getting up before the sun comes up and dragging into bed after getting everything ready to do it all over again.  Gone are the mornings spent in my PJs, sleeping in, late night reading.  But I am super excited though.

My oldest is going to be in second grade.  Its amazing how much he has grown from a shy and scared little boy to one who is more hates being sick, not because he is sick but because he has to miss school.  I love that he loves to read.  And even when the lady at the library laughed at him for looking for a "girls" book, he insisted he like them and asked her again where he could find the Junie B Jones books.  Hey who am I to tell him not to read what makes him happy.

Tonight is meet the teacher and he is super excited.  One of his good friends will be in his class again, 3 years in a row now.  So its nice to know its not all new kids.  As much as he loves school, he still worries about it. He worries that he will be smaller than the other kids.  And now he is so much more aware of bullies, after being pushed around on the bus last year.  I am worried about putting him back on the bus, but he wants to, so we will see how it goes.

David took off the first half of the week from work.  Originally it was because I had a Liver Clinic appointment on Monday and he thew in Tuesday and Wednesday for some relaxing.  Of course in our fashion, we didn't get to relax because we were slacking on the back to school stuff.  That was hard this year.  Anthony remembered that for the last 2 years his Grandpa Jim had send him an HEB gift card so he could but his school supplies.  Then he remembered that this year would be different.  As did I.

Clothes shopping was fun though.  And before anyone judges, If you know David, you know his love for clothes. He loves shopping for the boys even more!  I get a lot of crap over how the boys wear designer clothes and nice shoes.  The boys closet is like a mini version of their Dads.  Button ups, polos and a whole lot of Ecko.  David busts his but working and deserves to wear what he wants.  And if he wants to set aside money to buy the boys their clothes, so be it.  But just to be straight, nothing is ever paid for full price.  Can we say Burlington!  As for me, I'm more an Old Navy kind of gal.  So we picked up some jeans for the boys there too.  I hate hate hate that there are no more shorts anywhere.  This is Texas people.  Shorts should always be in stock!  Just sayin!

Anyways.  Time to attack this laundry pile and get some cleaning done.  I'm hoping to make this my first project of the school year.  Should help my "little" guys feel much bigger and independent!

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Back to reality

I've been feeling kind of bad for not writing anything lately.  I feel like my dads passing brought me down so low and no matter how much I tell myself to get up, I just can't.  I've been depressed before.  This is more like being broken. 

Sowly but surely I'm getting there.  Because despite all the sad and hurt I've been going through, there has been a lot of good too.  I miss writing happy things and feeling strong and secure.  My dad would smack me for saying it, but I'm not sure I will fully be these things without him.  But that doesn't mean I can't try right. 

I uploaded almost all my photos from our trip out to san Diego, so I will be sharing some, and I have liver clinic next week so I can actually update on that. After all, that's why I started this blog!  I hope everyone has had a wonderful summer so far.  I know some of you are back to school, but we have one week left and I better get off my butt and make the most of it!

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Time out

I haven't been around (online) much lately.  Partly because I've been busy with the everyday things and mostly because I'm still broken over losing my dad and everything I write ends up about my pain and hurt.  Now, I've always been one to share my feelings here no matter what they were but this is just to much to wrap my mind around. 

I've been so busy because I haven't let myself slow down.  I've read through 5 books since we got back, steam cleaned my carpet, been a laundry nazi and busy in the kitchen, trying new recipes and food. But the truth us that I'm a bloody freaking mess right now and I'm doing my best to not be.  And by bloody, I mean literally my bloodwork has been off the charts since getting back.  I've got the bruises to back them up too. 

With each passing day I feel a little better.  Even if its just the tiniest bit, its a step in the right direction. What's happened is done and there isn't anything I can do to bring him back.  Not even for one quick hug.  The ones where just when you think he's gonna let go he squeezes harder.  That my friends were the bear hugs I loved so much.  One of the things I will miss the most! 

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