It would be a bit of an exaggeration if I said I have never been so tired of going to the hospital. But that is how I feel right now. My blood has been such a pain lately but I'm hoping Ill be set for another month now. First it was to high and so we lowered my blood thinners. Only to have it bottom out and have to change my doses each week. But Dr. H called and looks like I'm back to therapeutic for now. After a month and a half of weekly checks, I'm free, for a few weeks anyways.
I was talking to day yesterday and he asked if I could feel when my blood is off. For me, a low INR (thick blood) is usually accompanied with lots of sleeping and just all around stiffness. My body just feels like its filled with concrete. When my INR is high (thin blood) I tend to get lots of headaches and dizzy spells so horrible I get nauseous. I'm not sure which one is better. If my blood is thick, I run the risk of throwing another clot. A blood clot in my liver is what landed me in this position. I could develop a clot in my lungs or even worse my brain and have a stroke. But with thin blood I run the risk of bleeding out. So everyday task become extremely dangerous. I could slice my hand cooking for washing dishes. And If I hit my head, I could develop a brain bleed. If I were to get into an accident, I could easily have internal bleeding. So either way, I'm pretty much screwed. That is why it is so important for me to make sure I am at a safe level.
It is so easy to over look the blood disorder that started this whole thing. I have what is called Prothrombin Gene Mutation G20210A. It causes my blood to clot easily. I have had it my whole life. It is most likely the cause of my 2 miscarriages and the reason Anthony was premature. Luckily I am not a smoker, since smoking increases the risk of clotting. But I did take birth control pills, which could have played a part in it all. I hate that there is not telling how long I have had the clot in my liver. When I was pregnant with Anthony i was told I had a third kidney, but when I got pregnant with Alex my spleen was pushed all the way down in my pelvis so that explains that. So maybe I had it then, who knows.
In a way I am very thankful that the clot developed in my liver and not in my brain or lungs. Yes the thought of having a liver transplant sounds scary, but at least I have a chance. And I am well enough to enjoy what time I have now. when I think of all the things I could not have today if I hadn't made it this far, its easy to see this as a blessing. That sounds weird but the truth is, as bad as this is going to be is nothing compared to what it could have been.
I am so frustrated and so angry! I have been suffering with this for almost 4 years now. I have gone to several doctors, only to be told the same thing, "It's depression!" I know my body and I know my mind, and this is NOT depression! When it feels like someone has pulled the plug from my body and every ounce of energy is being drained, and I don't have the energy to even sit up. That is not depression! I admit I am probably somewhat depressed because this goes on daily, and anyone would be depressed if they don't have the energy to enjoy their life anymore. I am at a loss here!
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