May 27, 2011

Tears

"Tears are words the heart can't express” 

Its not news that I need a new liver.  I have know for 3 years now. And this week marked my first whole year of being listed on the liver transplant list.  When people find out they always tell me that its amazing that I'm still smiling or ask how I can say that with out bursting in to tears. If I don't laugh, I will cry.  And I hate crying.  I can count the number of times I have cried over being sick on one hand.  Never a major breakdown.  Until today.

I have had three years to soak it all in.  To accept the changes and come to terms with being "sick".  I though I had done it all. But this morning, I was filling out an application for the National Transplant Assistance Fund.  Its an organization that helps people like me who are waiting for or have had transplants raise money. Wait, who is having a liver transplant?  Oh crap, its me...how could I forget.  I didn't.  But all of a sudden it hit me.  My life is nothing like I had planned.  I am a 28 year old wife and mother who needs a liver transplant.  How did this happen.  I know how it happened, but it was like I was just finding out all over again.  Except this time with tears...lots and lots of tears.

Such a roller coaster of emotions. And all I can do is breathe through the tears.  Dry my eyes and keep moving forward.  There is no avoiding it.  So I am going to hit send on the application and pray that my "community" will be willing to help me.  And I also need to commit to helping my community as a way to say thank you back.  Brainstorming.  Beats thinking about having my insides ripped out and replaced. Seriously, have you seen the scar from a liver transplant.  I will have to get someone to share a picture of their scar on here for me.  Ooh I should do an interview :)

I seem to be back to my silly self, so I'm off to enjoy the rest of the day with the boys.  Thinking about going on an adventure tomorrow. I could use a little vacation.  Especially after a day like this!  Thank You all for your prayers and encouragement.  It means the world to me.  And if you got this far, God bless you for putting up with my rambling.  Promise to be back with something positive and happy!  Promise!!

2 comments:

  1. Well, you're welcome to use my pictures. I'll send them if you need them.

    And in terms of fundraising, don't worry. Do what we did: spam the ever loving crap out of FaceBook and Twitter. Get celebs to RT your requests for help (set up an alternate Twitter account for that, and get someone you trust to run it). Spread the word. It's only $10K, and you'll be surprised how fast it comes in once it starts rolling.

    We also did a Babes in Prom Dresses Car Wash, a concert, two auctions, and a general call for help. Businesses love to donate to charities, actually, if it helps get them a write off and community recognition. Involve your local paper, get interviewed, get published. Be active, be involved, be personable.

    If this 40-year-old widower with a 19-year-old daughter can do it, then a pretty 28-year-old mom with two boys can definitely do it. Moms tend to get more sympathy, actually.

    I'm happy to help you with anything you need. And don't wait for NTAF to get back to you before you start. Start planning ASAP what you want to do, and get it in motion. That'll show NTAF that you're serious about it, and they'll step up to help.

    I'm going to email you contact info for some support groups for livers, and you know you've got a big support group online, as well. We're all pulling for you, Kim.

    You can do this. And yeah, it can get overwhelming. Even I broke down a few times.

    But you fight on. Because quitting is for the weak, and neither of us are that. I'll be here. Your family will be here. Your husband will be here.

    You're not alone.

    Trust me. ';^)

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  2. You are definitely allowed to cry at times! Think you have an amazing attitude and I'm convinced you will have no problem raising the funds you need for your operation...

    ... I was so grateful for your support you've offered me in relation to my miscarriages so I know that all you go through and experience now will be used to support others in the future when you come out of this the otherside and back in to full health! :-)

    Praying for you! x

    ReplyDelete

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