December 6, 2010

So now Im a dog?

"When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day long. ~Author Unknown"
Last week was the another rough week.  First the boys got sick. Then my MIL.  Then Friday, David actually had to leave work and come home.  He was in bed for 24hrs.  And when he wasn't in bed, hes was puking his brains out.  I was pretty sure we would make a trip to the ER in the middle of the night one day or another, but thankfully, everyone survived. Looks like there is a 24hr bug going around the house.   The saddest thing of all was the night the baby was sick.  First he came to me and demanded to go into the bathroom.  I though he wanted to get into the cabinets, so I redirected him to his pile of toys.  He kept insisting on going in there.  Eventually he projectile vomited on me.  So I go running into the bathroom to get a towel and when I turned around, my baby was holding on to the toilet for dear life.  I realized that hes paying attention more than I thought.  Hes seen me do it countless times.  All night he kept running to the toilet, vomiting and would say goodbye and flush.  I felt proud at how grown he is but guilty that he has seen so much at such a young age.  If Anthony were to see someone shooting up, he would probably ask them if they used an alcohol swab to clean the area first.  Or if they wanted a band aid.  He used to insist on sitting with me when I did my own Lovenox injections. 

So back to the quote...

This whole week I have got pretty much no sleep.  And God was I a dog.  I'm sure there is another word for it though. ;)  I was snappy and angry.  Every little thing would set me off.  I knew I was being so out of order.  Then Saturday night Anthony brings me his little sketch pad and says" Look momma, this is you with an angry face!  And this is me with a sad face."  I went straight to the bathroom and cried my eyes out.  Who am I?  I have always been the calm and collected one and for the past few weeks I have even been getting on my own nerves. 

This morning I woke up to a text that read "Hope you are sleeping well my love."  It was 9:30 in the morning and I went back to bed and slept until 11am.  Just what I needed to clear my mind and set me straight.  Today was a wonderful day.  Took FIL out to lunch for his Birthday.  I had steak and lobster.  Of course because In didn't take my meds this morning, halfway through grocery shopping, I was only half lucid.  I had to focus so hard just to get though it.  But I made it though the whole day with out raising my voice or arguing with anyone!  YAY go me.  And now I'm just excited to get on with the new week!  I am going to be trying my best to keep my cool and go with the flow.  I have always prided myself on being the best wife and mother that I can and the last few week I have failed. 

"We plant seeds that will flower as results in our lives, so best to remove the weeds of anger, avarice, envy and doubt... ~Dorothy Day"



**Warning-If this doesn't make any sense its because of the damn steak.  Red meat = H.E episodes.  But it was soooo good!  All done with red meat for the week though! **

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