November 3, 2010

Heartbroken

Tonight I'm thinking.  About the baby laying next to me, nursing off into dreamland.  About restless 5 year old in his room, rolling around in bed.  Before I know it, he will be climbing into be with me and his brother.  On most nights this would make my head spin.  Make me wish he would just stay asleep in his own bed.  But not tonight, because tonight, I am also thinking about the Hasslen family. 

A few weeks ago I found them on twitter when I searched "liver transplant"  I read about their 8 year old daughter who was just diagnosed with HCC, a tumor covering 2/3s of her liver.  Hannah needed a liver transplant but because of the cancer, she wasn't able to get listed. I sent prayers to Hannah and her parents.  And her little brother Jacob.  My heart felt so heavy for them. I prayed for her body to heal, for the meds to work, for her to be listed and get her new liver. Yesterday I was catching up on my tweets and I read

"Tonight @6pm, Hannah Helen Hasslen passed away & went home to the Lord! Her death was unexpected, sudden, peaceful and without pain."

Before I knew it I was sitting in a puddle of my own tears. My emotions were all over the place. This is the part I struggle with most in my beliefs.  I believe in God, I try my best to believe that he will not give me more than I can handle. I know that people die, I know that bad things happen.  But why to the sweet innocent children.  That part I can not come to terms with.

My journey with my liver disease has brought me lots of other friends who are suffering. From many different illnesses.  Many adults and sadly many children too.  We are given one life to live to the fullest, fill with memories, to make mistakes and to learn from them. But seeing that all get taken away so young...

My heart breaks for the, for anyone who loses a child, myself included.  So tonight I am thinking about all the children I know and those I dont.  Tonight Im thinking about my own children. Im thinking about you all.

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