October 7, 2010

Little moments


Most days it weighs heavy on my heart. That ticking time bomb inside of me. That feeling I get when my phone rings. That ache...that ache that never goes away. Every morning I wake up and wonder, is today the day?  Is today the day I will get a new life, a new liver?

Sometimes minutes go by and I forget about it all. But only minutes.  Never hours or days.  Today it was the few that I spent pushing my youngest around the house in a basket. There's something about hearing my boys laugh that make all my worries, fears and negativity just disappear. They give me hope that everything will be ok. Funny how that works when I'm the one who is supposed to be calming their fears! And then with a few sprints up and down the hall, I'm out of breath and beyond exhausted.  But for thoes few minutes, I was free.  I live for thoes moments. Where we have fun and laugh. Smiles instead of tears. Laughter instead of fear.

In my heart I know it will be a while before its my turn!  And even though the thought of waiting much longer makes me want to kick and scream, I'm going to smile.  Because today I am alive and that's what really matters.

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