August 19, 2010

Hi. My name is Kim and I have a liver disease.

My mind has been all over the place lately. Yes Ive been taking my meds ;)  I keep going over and over the school supply list.  The worry of my oldest starting school has finally hit.  Not only did it hit me, it knocked me on my ass.  The thing is, I'm not worried about how he will do.  I have all the faith in the world that school is just what he needs.  I'm excited for him to get out of the house, learn new things and  meet new people.  Have real friends versus imaginary ones.  I know it will be a big adjustment for him, but he will get there.

Don't laugh, but what I'm really worried about is how much I will affect him.  I don't want him to be known as the kid with the sick mom.  I don't want people to feel sorry for him.  I don't want him to be embarrassed of me.  Right now I am fine.  I have been feeling really good considering.  Friday I am going in for the whole meet the teacher thing.  Do I mention being on the transplant list to her or the other parents?  Or do I wait for the letter telling me about how Anthony told the whole class that I have a disease :)  That could be bad.  What will the other parents think about me? What if they hear it through the grapevine that I have liver disease and automatically think I'm and alcoholic? Or a drug user.  Crap, why are people so judgemntal these days.  Have me up all night worrying about what people will think of me. 

Why is this bothering me so much?  Maybe its just the late night anxiety that has me all worked up over this.  But I am really afraid that I will somehow hold my baby back from being a normal little boy.  The guilt is eating at me.  I guess we will just have to wait and see.  Its so past my bed time.  Much love.

1 comment:

  1. I am so excited that your oldest is starting school! How awesome for him ... and you too mom. And by the way, I think you are a great mom. You love your kids and they know it--what more could they ask for? (Yeah, stuff, but what they will remember when they are old and gray is your love...)

    My 2 cents; I think you should say something to the teacher--one or two sentences--just to cover your bases. That way if you get your transplant during this school year, it doesn't come as a complete surprise.

    I worry to about what people might think of me and my HCV, but I try not to lose sleep over it. What matters most is what the people I care about think and they all love and support me.

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