January 25, 2010

My safety blanket

There was a month last year that I had a Drs appt all but a few days out of the whole month. I remember telling myself that it would be better once I got on a more regular or monthly schedule. And now that I am, I am scared at the though.

At first it was weekly visits, then monthly. Now I am on 6 month visits with my GI, Transplant team and my PCP. I was seeing my Hematologist once or twice a month. But thanks to me opening my mouth and telling him about how I have all my check ups coming up, he decided to have me come back in 5 weeks instead of 4.

I know one might think I'm straight up crazy. I mean what is one more week right? But for some reason, It freaks me out. When I was in the middle of appts every week, I was drained and on broke. Its nice to have a breather between Doctors. And not spending $300 on copays each month is more than great. But I find myself afraid that something will happen in between my appointments and I will have no idea. If I were to run to the ER every time I have pain in my abdomen or chest, I would be there every other day. But what if, i do throw a clot and put it off. Then I have just screwed myself even more.

I tell myself that if something is truly wrong, I will know. But then I realize that Ive had the pain in my liver as long as I can remember, and always found an excuse for it. I guess its just one more thing I will have to get used to. Along with waiting for results, blood draws, meds and side effects. This is my life now. All I can do is make the best of it right?!?

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