January 1, 2009

Plans Change

If there is anything I have learned about what it is like to be pregnant and have Budd Chiari Syndrome, that is it! Plans change. Drs will tell you one thing and the next week, it changes. Its frustrating. I know they don't do it to mess me all up. Its because truthfully, they have no idea what is going to happen. They want to be able to tell you this will happen like this, but it never works out that way. Examples?

My latest plan changes.

C-Section scratched. For now anyways. Apparently it will be safer to pump me full of the good drugs and let my body take over. Instead of cutting me open, and "mashing" on my upper abdomen to get the baby out. Yes the Dr. said mashing! The whole point of having a C-Section was to spare me pushing and potentially rupturing my liver. But the "mashing" would replace the pushing, so for now, we are going with a natural delivery.

Then there is the whole steroids and amnio let down. I was really not looking forward to having an amnio. Not because of the needles, I'm well acquainted with needles now. Its just something that is scary so I didn't want it. It was worse than they said it would be. Less than a minute my ass! And then the tech said there was no way the baby would get poked. LIAR! I told her he was a stubborn little boy. Anyways. The original plan was to do the amnio and if his lungs were mature, we would do a C-Section. Scratched that already. And if they were not mature we would do 2 rounds of steroids and then deliver. Well my Dr. wanted to wait until 35 weeks to do the amnio. Then when 35 weeks comes, she informs me that they don't give steroids after 35 weeks so we are just going to wait another week and do another damn amnio. Seriously. Why couldn't we do the amnio at 34 weeks so there was still time to do steroids? BECAUSE PLANS CHANGE!

I am not pushing for a premature baby because I want one. If I could have it my way, I would carry to term. But when your liver and spleen have doubled in size, you cant breath, chest pains keep you up all night and you can barely walk...you cant go on forever. OK really its because both my GI and Transplant Drs. have strongly advised going this far. Because really they don't know what is going to happen. But when you have half the Drs. looking out for you and the other half wanting to do what is best for the baby, it all gets confusing and frustrating.

It took me forever to accept the fact that what is best for me has to come first. I have to be healthy for my family. And now I feel like a bad mom. I know what its like to have a preemie. And I have always hated when women say they wish that their babies would just be born already, and now here I am upset that my little man isn't here yet. And I'm back to square one. Hes good in there until he is ready and I am willing to wait. A little longer anyways ;)

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